


Breaking Points

by babytobin_horse



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 10:58:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1466947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babytobin_horse/pseuds/babytobin_horse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She left when Alex needed her the most. Alex has learned to live without her. It took two years, but she’s managing just fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Alex’s whole body is shaking. She’s processing it all too quickly and it’s leaving her more vulnerable than she’s ever been. It was never supposed to get this bad. No matter what happened, they always came back to each other; that was a given._

_But as Alex continues to look around the apartment, there’s no signs of anyone else living there besides her. One toothbrush, one towel, one side of the bed made…the list went on. Opening the drawers, Alex finds empty spaces where clothes should have been and had been only hours ago. There’s only one person’s belongings now, and they all belonged to Alex._

_As the words in their recent conversations replay in Alex’s mind, she winces aloud, wishing the memories away. Finally, she allows herself to crumple by the door - where a surfboard that was hardly ever used in the city no longer stands - and lets out a sob. Once it begins, it can’t seem to stop, and Alex has difficulty trying to catch her breath._

_She’s going to come back, she tries to tell herself. She always comes back._

_To her, the belongings not in their place didn’t mean that this time was going to be any different than before. She always came back because she needed Alex just as much as Alex needed her. One couldn’t live without the other. She’ll come back._

_Alex is left at the door for hours._

 

-

 

“Welcome home!” Sydney practically squeals, attacking Alex before the woman can even process what’s happening.

Alex drops her carry-ons to hug her best friend back, a grin taking over her face as familiarity hits her. “Hi Syd.”

Sydney pulls away, inspecting her friend for a full thirty seconds before saying, “You’ve been out of the sun for far too long. You’ve lost your tan.”

“Kind of what New York does to you,” Alex laughs, shaking her head before she picks up her carry-ons.

“It’s okay,” Sydney says as if she’s forgiving Alex for living in the New York weather. “This summer it’s going to be you, me and the sun every day.”

Alex’s grin widens as she pictures it. “I can’t wait.”

It’s her first time home in what seems like forever, and in a sense that’s true. It’s been a few years and Alex knows she should’ve come home for awhile a couple of years ago when she didn’t think she could keep going, but she couldn’t find it in her to come home because two years ago, she’d been waiting for someone who’d never come home.

“How was your flight?” Sydney asks, snapping Alex out of her memories before she can even begin to recall them.

“Boring. Sat next to this old man who slept the whole ride here,” Alex admits, laughing a little before Sydney goes into a story about some guy that was snoring next to her a plane ride.

She begins to tune Sydney out a few moments later, taking in the sights and sounds of California. She’s been gone for so long that these things seemed like a distant dream, but they’re all vivid and real once she takes  a moment to look around.

“It’s good to be home,” she states, letting out a long sigh she’d been holding in.

Sydney doesn’t mind that Alex has stopped her mid-sentence. Instead she smiles. “California’s been calling you.”

 

Alex sips her smoothie, reminiscing on her Californian days. Sydney had decided to stop by their favorite smoothie shop on the way to her house because she claimed that Alex looked like she needed “some life” in her system.

“I really miss it here,” Alex admits, smiling a little as she watches Sydney poke at her straw.

Sydney smiles. “It’s missed you.”

“Oh do you mean you missed me?” The older one smirks, her eyebrow quirking.

Sydney laughs. “Al, you’re so full of it.”

“Well I’m right!” Alex points out, sticking her tongue out.

Their laughter dies down a little, both sipping on their drinks to pass the time when something crosses Sydney’s mind.

“How’s your sister?”

The slight smile that remained on Alex’s lips from laughing immediately faded. Her eyes momentarily lose their shine as she processes Sydney’s words. “Jen?”

“Yeah…”

Alex clears her throat, brushing a strand of her out of her face. Flashes of recent memories with her oldest sister are resurfacing. She’s trying to fight off any obvious emotion, but she’s reminded of her sister’s condition and can’t seem to pull herself together fast enough. “She’s...hanging in there.”

“Any better?” Sydney asks nervously. It’s a dangerous conversation, but she needs to know. By the way her friend looks down at the table, she realizes she shouldn’t have asked so soon.

“We don’t know how much time she has,” Alex answers, her voice barely above a whisper.

The darker girl frowns, remembering when Alex’s sister when the lived in California. “They can’t...you know, do something?”

Alex shakes her head, her voice growing raspier, making it a giveaway that she’s upset and possibly about to cry. “They don’t know how to stop it, Syd. They just know it’s getting worse and that there’s no telling when she…”

Alex doesn’t need to finish the sentence for Sydney to understand her. She doesn’t understand how it’s possible, but she won’t ask because Alex doesn’t have the answer. No one’s sure how it happened, but they all know that there’s only so much they can do. Alex’s eyes are filling with tears and she quickly goes to wipe them, thankful that only Sydney was witnessing her cry.

“She’s lasted a few years. Maybe, you know…” Sydney trails off, knowing her hopefulness wasn’t helping Alex in the situation. Maybe two years ago, Alex would still be hopeful, but someone took that hope away from her all too quickly.

“We’ll see,” Alex manages, blinking a few times. “I’m kind of tired. Let’s go home.”

Sydney nods, pulling her keys out of her purse without a second thought. “Let’s get you to bed.”

 

-

 

_As soon as she hangs up, Alex is grabbing her laptop, typing away frantically and cursing at it when it slows down. Tears are brimming her eyes as she navigates her way to the internet. She’s looking for plane tickets when someone exits the bedroom._

_“Alex, what’s wrong?” the calm voice asks._

_The voice that usually soothes her isn’t helping at all. She’s scanning the site for the right flight, not able to answer._

_“Al, hey,” the voice tries again. This time the person comes around and moves the laptop out of Alex’s way._

_“Tobin!” she screams, glaring at her as tears start to fall. “Why the fuck would you do that? I need to get my damn ticket!”_

_Tobin’s taken by surprise. She has no clue what’s happening and she’s afraid it could be because of her. “I-I’m sorry,” she immediately says, trying to calm her girl down. “But please babe, what’s going on?”_

_“I need to go to California,” the younger one answers quickly. “Please Tobin!”_

_“California? What for?” Tobin’s brows furrow together as she tries to understand the situation in front of her._

_Alex is silent for a moment and more tears begin to fall. “It’s Jen. Something’s wrong.”_

_She doesn’t completely understand Alex’s panic and fear, but she does get that she needs to get Alex to her family as soon as possible. Alex never panicked without good reason. Tobin wraps her arms around the younger girl, pressing her into Tobin’s lanky body. Alex is quick to dig her head into Tobin’s shoulder, heaving a sob. Tobin rubs her back, trying to soothe her in the way she knows best - without words._

_She kisses the top of Alex’s head before saying, “Two tickets, Alex. I’ll get us two tickets and we’ll go on the first flight I find.”_

_When Alex’s grasp on her tightens, Tobin knows it’s a thank you._

 

-

 

“Bet you missed this in New York,” Sydney smirks as she watches Alex lazily turn onto her stomach and cross her arms before propping her chin onto them to watch the water.

Alex lets out a soft chuckle, feeling the sun on her skin. “You got me there.”

If she stretches out her legs long enough, her toes catch particles of sand. It’s been awhile since she’s been at a Californian beach - so long that she’s almost forgotten how soothing it all was to her sometimes.

“The north has done you no good,” her friend teases.

“You’re just trying to get me to come home because you miss me,” Alex deadpans, watching the water as surfers try their luck with each wave that comes.

“Coming home more often wouldn’t hurt,” Sydney shrugs.

A silence falls over them as Sydney checks her phone and Alex continues to watch the surfers. Something about surfing has always interested her, but she’s never tried it. It’s something about the fear of sharks,  drowning, or getting knocked down one too many times that stops her. She’s afraid of the unknown; she’s afraid of the millions of possible things that could go wrong. Perhaps now she’s more scared than she had been two years ago.

One surfer in particular catches her eye, she seems effortless on the waves. She’s following the patterns of the water like it’s second nature and there’s a sense of familiarity in the surfer she’s watching. There’s a loose ponytail on her head and a lankiness in her body that makes Alex catch her breath. The figure looks too similar to what Alex is thinking, causing her heart to pound faster. It can’t be, she thinks firmly shaking her head.

The surfer ends up getting tossed over by the next wave a few seconds later. She hops back onto her board and begins to paddle to the surface. Alex stops breathing, wondering what would happen if it’s who she thinks it is. As the surfer nears, she lets out a long sigh of relief because the girl’s a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl; and she was a little shorter than the person Alex was thinking of.

Sydney notices Alex’s long sigh and looks up from her phone. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Alex breathes out, nodding. “Just thought I saw something. I’m good.” She looks at the surfer again, believing the sun was playing tricks on her. From a distance, the girl looked similar, but as she got closer…

“She’s cute, go talk to her,” her best friend suggests, noticing Alex stare at the surfer as she pulled up to the shore.

Alex flinches in surprise, looking at Sydney with a look of unimpressment. “No. She’s not even that cute.”

“You keep staring at her,” Sydney comments, her lip forming into a half smirk.

Alex rolls her eyes. “That doesn’t mean I think she’s cute.”

“Sometimes it does.”

“Well it doesn’t this time,” Alex snaps, rolling over onto her back. “She’s not cute, Syd. She just…” she trails off, unsure of how to say it. She doesn’t even know if she can say it.

Sydney lifts an eyebrow. Alex’s reasoning is beginning to sound like babbling. “She just what?”

Alex takes one last look at the girl. She was way off. “Well, from far away I thought she looked like…” She hasn’t said the name in a while and she’s not sure how it’ll feel to say it out loud. “Tobin,” she finishes quietly a moment later.

Sydney’s silent for a moment. They haven’t talked about Tobin in a long time. Not since Alex started to learn how to stand on her own; not since she figured out how to take care of herself. She’s not sure how to take the observation.

“Oh…” she nods at first, then takes a better look at the girl. She looks nothing like Tobin. “Is she is California? Do you know?”

Alex shakes her head, the mysteriousness of Tobin’s disappearance nagging her just like it had done so many times before. “No,” she shrugs. “I have no idea where she went - no idea where she is. I haven’t talked to her since-”

Sydney nods, not needing Alex to finish her sentence. It’s been a long time since they’ve talked about Tobin and Sydney isn’t willing to sacrifice all the progress Alex has made just to talk about the subject.

“I figured. Come on, I’m getting hungry. Let’s get some ice cream or something,” she says as she gets up and stretches.

Alex agrees before standing up and brushing off little specks of sand. She’s glad they switched topics. There was no need to dwell on someone who probably didn’t even think about her once.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> California brings back familiarity...maybe too much of it.

_“Tobin, it’s barely six in the morning. Why the hell are you at my door?”_

_Tobin nods, running a hand through her hair as her other hand holds an envelope. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, but you’re about to go on your stupid morning run anyway.”_   
_“It’s not stupid,” Kelley frowns, crossing her arms._

_But of course Tobin’s right. Kelley’s dressed in Nike leggings and a sports bra. Her hair’s in a tight bun and if Tobin walked in, she’s sure she would see a water bottle, headphones and phone case ready to go._

_“Bet Hope can’t wait for those when you move to Seattle,” Tobin mutters, rolling her eyes._

_The freckled woman only glares at her. “Why are you here?”_

_Tobin’s mock annoyance is gone as the question reminds her of the purpose of this unexpected visit. “I need you to give this to Alex,” she states, handing the white envelope over._

_Kelley takes the envelope, but gives her good friend a confused expression. “Why? She’s your girlfriend, you’re living with-”_

_She cuts herself off when she peers over at Tobin’s car in the driveway and notices the surfboard perched on top and recognizes a few of Tobin’s belongings in the back. Her eyes widen with realization. “You can’t.”_

_“I have to,” Tobin replies, looking helpless._

_The smaller one shakes her head, unable to believe what’s about to happen. “You can’t leave her, Tobin! She needs you. She really needs you. Sure, it’s been difficult with Alex lately, but her sister’s slowly dying. Her oldest sister! She needs you more than ever.”_

_“I’m no use here!” Tobin argues, putting a hand up before Kelley can interrupt. “I have to go somewhere to get help. I need to help Jen. Staying in the Upper East isn’t going to do shit for her. I can’t let her die if I can figure out a way to help.”_

_Kelley’s eyes widen. “You’re helping her, Tobin! You’re helping her by keeping Alex sane. Without you, Alex is going to completely lose herself.”_

_“She has you.” It was a weak argument, but Tobin gave it a shot anyway._

_“I move to Seattle in a week,” Kelley reminds her, shaking her head. “You can’t do this to her.”_

_Tobin sighs, taking a step back from Kelley’s front door. “I need to be where I can help the most.”_   
_“And where’s that?”_

_“Somewhere I can get answers” is Tobin’s vague reply._

_She walks away before Kelley can say another word, but Kelley’s too stunned to reply or attempt to stop her friend. She watches Tobin drive away, then looks at the envelope in her hand with ‘Alex’ scribbled across the front._

_“What am I going to do?” Kelley mumbles, no longer motivated for her run._

 

-

 

Tobin’s pouring her usual cup of tea into a travel mug when she hears footsteps padding into the kitchen. Her hair’s tied back in a ponytail and her keys are lying on the counter, ready to be snatched up in a few moments.

Lauren looks at her friend curiously for a moment, not used to seeing her at home. Then again, she knows Tobin won’t be staying for long; she never does on weekdays anymore.

“When did you get here?” she asks, but figures the answer will be a short amount of time.

Tobin looks up at the clock above the cabinets and purses her lips to think for a moment. “Uh…six hours ago?”

There’s a sigh that escapes Lauren’s mouth before she can stop it. “Tobin, why don’t you just stay home today? Jrue’s out for work and I’ll just run a few quick errands. You could take a nap while I’m out and then we could-”

“I can’t Cheney,” Tobin stops her, placing the cover onto her travel mug. “I know I’m in and out of this place a lot, but I think we’re getting close.”

“You said that a few months ago,” Lauren mumbles, opening the fridge to figure out what she’ll make for breakfast. “Just stay a little longer,” she says back in normal volume. “I’ll make us something to eat.”

Tobin half smiles, appreciating the love her friend’s given her not only today, but for the past few years. “Thanks, but I really have to go. Press is expecting me in an hour or so anyway.”

Lauren takes out a few eggs and places them on the counter before pressing her lips to the top of Tobin’s head. “Have a good day. Don’t work yourself too hard.”

The younger one grabs her keys with her mug in the other hand. “Anything to find the answer,” she replies before jogging out the door.

Lauren watches her go, not hearing someone else enter the kitchen. She feels arms wrap around her center and pull her back, then sighs when she realizes it’s Jrue before leaning into his body.

“I don’t think I’ve seen her for longer than five minutes in a long time,” Jrue says half-joking as they watch Tobin shut the door.

“I know,” Lauren groans, closing her eyes. “I know she wants to help, but what if…”

“There’s still time,” Jrue answers, trying to help his wife think positively.

Lauren nods. “You’re right. There’s still time. We’d know if there wasn’t,” she states, more for herself than anyone else.

 

-

 

Sydney’s walking down the hallway when she hears laughter coming from the guest room Alex is staying in. The door’s open, so Sydney decides to peek inside the room to see what her best friend is up to. She sees Alex curled up on the bed, her back pressed into the headboard as she holds her phone out in front of her. She’s saying something Sydney’s not really trying to understand due to the fact she’s observing how bright Alex’s smile is.

Another voice is heard, but it’s coming from the phone. It’s evident that Alex is in FaceTime, but it takes a second of Sydney to recognize the voice as none other than Jen Morgan. Sydney leans against the door frame, crossing her arms as she watches the sisters interact over the phone.

“How’s California, Alicat?” Jen asks. Her voice is so much weaker than Sydney remembers, but then again the last time she’d heard Jen speak was when Alex had flown over from New York as soon as she’d heard the news.

Alex sighs, biting her lip. “I’m stupid for moving,” she admits. “And I’m stupid for insisting you, Mom and Dad move to New York.” She looks at the camera, frowning. “I should be there though. I don’t like being away from you this long.”

Jen lets out a short laugh. “I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you. You’re the baby.”  
“Shut up,” Alex rolls her eyes, but a small smile cracks.

There’s a few voices in the background where Jen is - Sydney’s guessing the hospital - and the oldest daughter of the Morgan family sighs. “I have to hang up now. They’re going to switch out my tubes.”

Alex pouts. “Okay. I’ll call you later tonight.”

“Don’t,” Jen insists. “Go have fun. Enjoy Cali.”

“I can’t when you’re in New York without me,” the younger sibling points out.

“I have Mom and Dad and Jeri when she flies in. You need to have fun. You spend too much time in the hospital when you’re here.”

Alex lets out a long sigh, their sibling relationship playing out. “Fine.”

“Good girl,” Jen laughs. “I love you Alex.”

“I love you too Jen. Hang in there for me,” Alex smiles before one of the nurses hangs up for her sister.

Sydney’s silent for a moment, letting Alex play with her phone before asking, “How is she?”

Alex looks at her in surprise, not even noticing that Sydney had been watching. “She’s...hanging on,” she says carefully. “She can still talk and move a little, so there’s that.”

Sydney nods, taking the answer. “One step at a time, right?”

“One step at a time,” Alex echoes, releasing a shaky breath.

Though her sister seemed happy, Alex could see the energy slowly draining out of Jen. It was happening so agonizingly slow - it had been for the past few years. Then there were false hopes - this might work, that might work. Nothing was actually working. It was always something that would either have no effect or maybe help temporarily. She was sick of wishful thinking. She needed the facts, but she wasn’t ready to hear what she knew she inevitably would.

 

-

 

Waiting.

Tobin really hates waiting. She’s waiting for the samples of bacteria she knows are supposed to arrive today. She’s already tried to kill time by researching for the past three hours. Christen’s been busy trying to find whatever you need - including another cup of tea - and Tobin’s glad that she has someone who’s with her day after day trying to find an answer. Tobin didn’t know her when she first got here, but the two of them have been working together for a year now and Tobin can be confident when she says there’s no one else she’d rather have by her side to find the answer. Besides the obvious, of course. But she doesn’t like to dwell on those thoughts.

Tobin finds one of her scratch papers from earlier and crumples it up into a ball before tossing it at her partner. “Press.”

“What?” Christen asks, eyes still focused on the desktop monitor. She kicks the paper ball - now at her feet - back towards Tobin, but it doesn’t get very far.

“When are the samples getting here? I’m bored,” Tobin whines like a child, spinning her chair around.

Christen looks at Tobin, giggling at her antics. “You’re so impatient.”

“I need them,” Tobin sighs, crossing her arms. “The sooner we can inspect and study them, the better. A step closer to figuring everything out.”

Christen looks at Tobin closely. They’ve only known each other for a year, but they’ve become pretty good friends. She has no idea why Tobin’s so dedicated to finding the solution to something on one’s figured out before, but she admires the heart and brains the older woman has in her.

“We have time.”

“Not enough,” Tobin frowns. “What if it’s too late?”

The most Christen has figured out is that there’s someone close to Tobin that’s been affected by this, someone who drove Tobin to go find the solution for herself. But Tobin doesn’t talk about it. She never does. When Christen tries, Tobin closes down.

“Let’s go get lunch,” Christen suggests, getting up from her seat. “I bet you’re hungry.”

Tobin grins, hopping up quickly. “You know me so well.”

 

-

 

_“Alex! Alex, look at me...breathe.” Tobin grasps Alex by the shoulders, forcing the younger girl to face her._

_“Tobin, my sister was admitted into the hospital and they won’t let me see her!” Alex says, breathing heavily as her panic attack rides out. “Jen flew in with my parents two days ago and now she’s been admitted into the hospital!” She bites her lip to stop herself from crying. Suddenly she feels Tobin’s fingers running along her arm and her breathing begins to slow._

_“Hey...she’s here with us now. She’s not in California. That’s good, right?”_

_Alex nods slowly, closing her eyes. “Yeah...she’s here.”_

_“Mhmm,” Tobin hums, continuing to drum her fingers along Alex’s arm. “It’s still an early stage of whatever this is. We have time. She’s going to be okay. We just have to remain calm. Can you do that?”_

_Alex doesn’t respond at first - not because she doesn’t want to, but because Tobin’s touch is so soothing she can’t find it in her to open her mouth._

_“Alex?”_

_She opens her eyes slowly, finding a pair of honey brown eyes fixated on her with brows furrowed in concern. “I can do that.”_

_“Good,” Tobin nods, kissing her forehead._

_“I love you,” Alex whispers, giving her soft hug._

_“I love you too,” Tobin answers, then pull away nudging Alex to look behind her. “I think you’ll be able to see her now.”_

_The doctor approaches, asking for Jennifer Morgan’s immediate family._

-

 

 _Fuck UCLA and their stupid campus_ , Alex thinks as she tries to navigate her way around the university. She now regrets not picking up a map before they came here. She’s not even sure why she and Sydney are at UCLA other than something Sydney mumbled about Kristie’s sister and alumnae. Alex had managed to wander off, promising herself she wouldn’t get too far, but there she was: lost.

Well, she wasn’t _completely_ lost. Alex was smart enough to realize she somehow ended up in the medical wing of the campus. She’d seen residents and interns walking about and all the equipment was a dead giveaway as well. Frustrated that she couldn’t figure her way out, she sent a quick text to Sydney explaining where she was.

The medical wing wasn’t the best place for Alex to be. In fact, Alex just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible because it was reminding her of Jen. Jen, who didn’t have much time left, but no one knew how much time there really was. The doctors couldn’t find a lasting medication and there was no known cure. No one even really knew what Jen had, anyway. It was frustrating and upsetting and scary because Alex didn’t want to lose her sister at all. She especially didn’t want to lose her to something that no one could control or predict.

“There you are!” Sydney exclaims, jogging over to her. “How the hell did you end up here?”

Alex shrugs. “I don’t know, Syd. I was just wandering around.”

Sydney rolls her eyes, linking her arm through Alex’s. “Well don’t wander around unless you have Bruin with you.”

Alex scoffs, shaking her head. “Whatever. You’re coming with me to Cal one day.”

“Yeah right,” Sydney snorts, beginning to lead them out of the medical wing.

They’re laughing when Alex hears something that makes her falter in her steps.

“Press! They’re here!”

A shiver went down Alex’s spine as she almost immediately recalled the voice being heard. She hadn’t heard the voice in years, but it was impossible to forget a voice you’d heard every morning and every night. Alex turned her head to where the voice had come from. She freezes in her spot when she sees the owner of the voice.

“Oh my god,” she gasps.

Sydney turns to face Alex. “Al, why are you…” she trails off when she looks in the same direction. “No.”

“Tobin, you’re too excited,” the other woman laughs, following someone who was definitely Alex’s ex-girlfriend.

Alex’s stomach drops at the sound of that name.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes certain surprises can't be classified as good or bad.

Alex has been freaking out since the sighting at UCLA. She’s been oddly quiet and Sydney’s a mixture of confused and angry. Confused because out of all places, why was Tobin in California; and angry because if Tobin had been at UCLA this whole time, how come Sydney had no idea? If she had known, she would’ve exchanged a few words with her - they weren’t pretty words.

“Alex, do you want to-” Sydney started as they entered the house, but was cut off.

“I think I’m going to go to my room. I’ll eat later,” Alex answers quickly, her voice shaking. She speed walks into her room, shutting her door harder than intended. As soon as she can, she collapses onto her bed letting out a scream into her pillow.

“What the fuck Tobin?!” she asks, her voice hoarse from screaming.

Why is Tobin in California? How long has she been here? Why is she at UCLA in the medicine wing? Tobin isn’t a doctor - well she wasn’t the last time Alex had talked to her. Then again, two years can change a lot.

 

-

 

_Tobin’s knocking angrily at Kelley’s door for the second time in the past month. She hates bothering Kelley - though she’s not sure her friend would be doing anything important - but she can’t be in the same house as Alex at the moment because if she does something bad might happen. Actually, Alex wouldn’t even be home._

_Kelley opens the door, her face not showing much surprise. “Come in,” she says, letting her friend into the house before shutting the door behind the two of them._

_“I don’t understand, Kelley!” Tobin yells, storming right past her best friend._

_“What now?” the freckled one asks, but she holds in a sigh because she can already guess what’s coming._

_Tobin’s pacing back and forth in Kelley’s entryway like she did just a few weeks ago when she’d come the first time looking like a hot mess. Kelley knows that her friend is trying to form her words because explaining her emotions hasn’t ever been a strong point for Tobin._

_“She’s freaking out too much,” Tobin huffs, standing still for a moment. “I know it’s scary to have your sister in the hospital for something the doctor’s can’t seem to diagnose, but freaking out doesn’t make it any better!”_

_Kelley nods slowly. “Have you tried telling her that?”_

_“Yes!” Tobin groans, throwing her head back in frustration. “She cuts me off every damn time! She gets mad at me for telling her to calm down. All I did tonight was try to take her out to relieve stress, and she calls me inconsiderate.” Tobin scoffs, “Inconsiderate! Can you believe that? I was just trying to help!”_

_“You’ve got to think about it from Alex’s side,” Kelley says slowly, watching as Tobin angrily sits down. “Her sister’s possibly dying. She doesn’t want to let herself get distracted. You know how much Alex loves her sisters.”_

_“I know, but…” Tobin sighs. “She’s not the same anymore. She’s panicking so much and I just want to make her feel better.”_

_Kelley nods, understanding what Tobin’s saying. “I know you are, and I’m sure deep down she appreciates that. And if she doesn’t, she will once she realizes what you’re trying to do. For now, just make sure the girl doesn’t spend too much time at the hospital.”_

_Tobin snorts, rolling her eyes. “Too late. She’s spending the night there again.”_

_Kelley lets out a long sigh, grabbing pillows to put in the guest room. “Go ahead and watch whatever’s on.” She barely gets the sentence out before she hears the TV. “Oh boy,” she mumbles._

_But in the morning Tobin’s gone to the hospital, coffee and a change of clothes in hand for her girlfriend._

 

-

 

“Damn LA traffic,” Tobin mumbles to herself in the car as she stops yet again for no apparent reason.

Since it’s Friday, she’s decided to surprise Lauren and actually get home before the sun sets, but the traffic is ruining her plans. She’d been able to study the bacteria that afternoon, but she has to do more background research before coming up with anything else. They looked similar to the bacteria that was causing the problem, so Tobin thinks that they could be what the new bacteria formed from.

Just as Tobin’s beginning to drift into thoughts about bacteria (as exciting as that seemed), her phone rings in the odd silence of her car. She sighs, figuring she might as well pick up now because she’ll be stuck for awhile. After taking a look at the caller ID and raising a curious eyebrow, she answers cautiously.

“Yo, what’s up stranger?” she half-heartedly greets, still surprised the person’s even calling her in the first place.

“Tobin, I don’t care if you’re busy, but this is important.”

Tobin’s brow furrows, her confusion growing by the moment. “Um...I’m on the way home with a ton of traffic. Not busy at all. What’s up, Kelley?”

She and Kelley have a strange relationship. For what seemed like forever, Kelley was mad at Tobin for leaving Alex to go across the country. She was the one who took care of Alex for the next month, delaying her move to Seattle and instead Hope went to New York for a little while to help and be with Kelley. To Tobin, Kelley was the only thing connecting her and Alex so they didn’t lose touch. She never asked about Alex, though; If she ever did she knew she’d fly on the first plane back to New York and break down apologizing like a mad woman. Instead, she’d ask how Jen was doing and then share her research. Somewhere along the road, Kelley forgave Tobin. That’s all Tobin needed.

“She’s in town,” Kelley answers after a moment of silence.

Even though Kelley can’t see her, Tobin’s face contorts into a very perturbed expression. “Who’s in town?”

“Alex.”

Tobin’s heart races. They haven’t talked about Alex in a long time - and even when they did, it wasn’t something either liked to dwell on with the other. “What’s she doing up in Seattle again?”

Kelley bites her lip, hesitant to continue. “...No Tobin. Not in Seattle. She’s in LA.”

“W-what?” Tobin stutters, blinking as the car in front of her finally inches along. She follows suit and blinks once more. “But her sister…?”

“...is still in New York,” Kelley explains, knowing just how blindsided Tobin is now. “Her family insisted that Alex go home because she’s been too focused on Jen. So for the summer she’s staying with Sydney.”

Tobin’s quiet with her eyes on the road, trying to take all the information in. Somewhere in this city, Alex was roaming around with her friend. They’re only a mere few miles away from each other and it’s causing knots in Tobin’s stomach.

“How do you know all of this?” The younger one asks curiously. “Did Alex tell you?”

“I knew she was going on vacation, but I didn’t know where. I’d like to thank Sydney for screaming at me through the phone for a good few minutes.”

“Why was she screaming?”

Kelley hesitates. “Uh…”

“What?” Tobin asks, slightly irritated, but her demeanor softens when she realizes most of the traffic is cleared.

“They were on campus, Tobin.”

“What campus?”

Kelley rolls her eyes. This wasn’t the time for Tobin’s obliviousness to kick in. “Syd’s old campus.” She’s not willing to say it out loud right away; she’s hoping Tobin can pick up on obvious hints.

Tobin thinks for a moment. “Uh...where’d Syd go?”

Frustrated, Kelley lets out a loud groan. “Fucking UCLA! They were on campus and Alex got lost. She somehow ended up in the medical wing and when Syd found her, she saw you.”

“She did?” Tobin’s jaw drops. It’s a good thing she’s a stoplight because if she wasn’t she would’ve slammed on the breaks and possibly caused an accident. “Alex saw me?”

“Yeah, she did…”

Tobin’s about to ask questions about what exactly happened earlier, but she sees a cop coming from the opposite direction and sighs. “Kel, I gotta go. I’ll call you later bye.” She hangs up, but the questions are filling her mind. One thought is louder than the rest.

_Alex knows you’re here._

 

-

 

_Tobin’s asleep, but not really. She can blame her current state on the empty bed beside her. After being with Alex for so long it’s almost impossible to sleep without her. She hardly slept two nights ago because Alex had spent the night at her parent’s place. Now here she is, trying once again to completely let sleep take her. It doesn’t work, but luckily she hears the front door and knows Alex is home._

_When the bedroom door creaks open, Tobin turns to see her girl trying to tiptoe in. She squints in the darkness for a moment, really looking at her. Alex’s hair is up in a messy bun and she’s wearing one of Jen’s old sweatshirts. She doesn’t have to look closer to know there are bags under Alex’s eyes and exhaustion written on her face._

_“You’re home,” Tobin says quietly, but it startles Alex all the same._

_Alex stares at Tobin, her hands on the waist of her sweatshirt, ready to pull it off. She didn’t expect Tobin to still be awake and she’s not sure if she’s glad that Tobin is indeed awake. “Yeah…” she croaks out, then continues to pull off the sweater._

_Tobin knows it’s a risk to ask, but she does anyway. “Why? I thought you were with Jen.”_

_Alex sighs, tugging her bun out. She makes her way over to the bed. “I need you.”_

_A question never crosses Tobin’s mind. She knows what Alex means. It’s not a sexual desire or frustration. It’s Alex needing Tobin because one without the other is an impossible struggle. As soon as Alex climbs into bed Tobin scoots closer so she can wrap her arms around the younger girl, securing her in her hold. Alex’s face digs into Tobin’s shoulder and her tears begin to flow._

_Alex has cried so much lately that Tobin can’t keep count, but she doesn’t want to keep count anyway. Instead she rubs her back, letting Alex cry because it’s better than making her bottle up emotions._

_“I hate this,” Alex cries against Tobin’s shirt, gripping onto the fabric. “I hate this.”_

_Tobin continues to rub her back, closing her eyes because things shouldn’t be this way. Alex’s family didn’t deserve this. “I know baby,” Tobin mumbles. “I do too.”_

_Alex’s sobs rack her body and Tobin can feel it, feel Alex’s heart beat go against the constant movement. Neither say a word for awhile until Alex begins to calm down._

_“It’s not fair,” Alex mumbles, sniffing as she pulls away from Tobin’s soaked shoulder. “Why us? Why her?”_   
_Tobin sighs, wishing she had the perfect answer. “I don’t know, Alex. I’m sure it’s nothing she or anyone else has done.”_

_“I just want her to be okay.”_   
_“Me too,” Tobin agrees. “And she will be. We just have to keep our faith. Let’s get some sleep, okay?”_

_Alex nods, letting Tobin’s words sink into her system. She’s looking at Tobin in the darkness as Tobin settles herself into a comfortable position. “I love you.”_   
_A small smile cracks Tobin’s face. “I love you too, Alex. Please don’t forget that.”_

_“Never.”_

-

 

 _Keep running_ , Alex thinks to herself as her legs burn a little.

It’s been so longs since her last run. She’s running to forget, or to distract. She’s not sure which one, but she’ll take either at this point. When she’s running she forgets about Jen. When she’s running she forgets about Tobin. When she runs she forgets about everything except her feet hitting the ground and her arms pumping back and forth. Alex likes this feeling. She wishes she could feel this forever.

Somehow Alex finds herself near the beach a little while later. Pulling her earplugs out, her run slows into a jog that eventually becomes a walk as she looks around. It’s that time of morning when families are beginning to make their way to the beach and Alex spots little kids everywhere with their parents or running ahead of them. She smiles a little, enjoying the sights and sounds around her when her stomach reminds her that all she had before she left the house was a banana and a protein bar. It grumbles a little louder when her eyes spot a smoothie shop, so she immediately makes her way over.

As thoughts begin to swarm Alex again, she lets out a shaky breath, trying to allow herself a little more peace before returning to the chaos of her life. On the top of her list is to call her parents when she gets home to see how Jen’s doing. Though there most likely won’t be progress, Alex can only hope there’s good news waiting for her.

The bell above the door chimes as Alex enters and her body shivers a little because the air conditioning hits her as soon as she walks in and all she’s dressed in is Nike shorts and a sports bra. The cool feels good against her skin though because sweat’s dripping everywhere. Just as she tears her eyes away from the menu above the counter, her whole body freezes at what she sees.

_Shit._

  
  


 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes old friends are exactly what they're named: old friends.

_Tobin’s quiet, refusing to make eye contact with the girl only a few feet away from her. There’s tension in the air and her jaw is clenched, trying to find the best way to avoid a fight. The only thing she can come up with is to stay silent._

_“Answer me Tobin,” Alex almost growls._

_She’s unrecognizable to Tobin these days. In fact, Tobin doesn’t see much of Alex at all. Her girlfriend’s always at her parents’ new place or in the hospital with Jen. The situation is special, but is it really shame on Tobin for feeling the way she feels?_

_The next words come out of Tobin’s mouth so quietly and broken that Alex almost misses it. “You’re not you.”_

_“What?” Alex asks, daring Tobin to say it again._

_The older one risks a glance up at Alex and licks her lips. “You know what I said,” she replies, a little louder this time._

_“How could you say that?!” Alex cries looking genuinely hurt, and Tobin immediately regrets opening her mouth. “How can you say I’m not me?! Of course I’m not me, Tobin! My sister’s in and out of the fucking hospital for a reason no one can explain!”_

_“Alex,” Tobin’s voice rises before the younger girl can continue. “I know what’s going on, okay? I know your sister’s in trouble, and I know it’s scaring you because no one can figure it out. Hell, I’m scared too. But I still try to carry on.”_

_Alex gives her a confused, frustrated look. “What are you saying?”_

_“You’re too focused on this,” Tobin sighs, her shoulders drooping. “All that matters to you is Jen. I get that it’s a hard time for you and your family - I really do, but-”_   
_“But what?” Alex yells. “There’s no fucking ‘but’ about this. Jen is my oldest sister and I can’t sit here and pretend everything’s fine while she’s going through this!”_

_She doesn’t mean to take it all out on Tobin. The last person she means to take it out on is Tobin. Tobin hasn’t done anything wrong; in fact, she’s been perfect in this twisted problem. But there’s no one else around her who can take it. Tobin will take it because Tobin loves her. Alex needs Tobin to be able to handle this madness because if she can’t then they’re both screwed._

_“I’m not saying you have to pretend everything’s fine,” Tobin states calmly. “I’m just saying that maybe you should spend more time at home. Being around all the chaos twenty-four seven isn’t helping at all. You’re hardly home, Al. And when you are, you’re not the same.” She looks at Alex with a lost expression, trying to find the girl she fell in love with. “I hardly recognize you anymore. Where’s my Alex?”_

_Alex shakes her head, trying to keep the tears away. “Your Alex needs the Tobin that understands.”_

_“Well,” Tobin clears her throat. “That Tobin is tired of losing sleep over a stranger.”_

_A silence holds the air as Tobin brushes past Alex and grabs her keys. Alex wants to call out to her, but she doesn’t. It’s like her words are stuck in her throat with no way of getting out. Tobin doesn’t look back before slamming the door._

 

-

 

Today was supposed to be a Holiday-Heath day. With Tobin off on the weekends, Lauren usually spent the day with her friend. They’d do anything that they could think of - anything that didn’t include science or research or anything Tobin was preoccupied with during the week. But the younger one pulled a surprise earlier this morning by leaving the house before Lauren woke up. The curly-haired woman had woken up to a text that read “Press called. Think we’re onto something. Sorry. Love u. Will make it up”. So now Lauren’s at the smoothie place ordering one smoothie instead of two with no plans for the day.

“Here’s your smoothie ma’am,” the cashier smiles, sliding the drink over to Lauren along with the receipt. “Have a good day!”

Lauren takes the order, poking her straw into the cup and replying with, “Thanks, you too!” before turning away from the counter. She tosses the straw wrapper into the trash can and begins to make her way to the door, but when she looks up she stops in her tracks, almost dropping her smoothie.

“Alex,” she blurts out, then quickly tries to recover. “Hey, I didn’t know you were in town.”

To say Lauren’s taken by surprise in an understatement. Last she heard, Alex was still in New York. Then again, Lauren didn’t really know much of Alex’s whereabouts anymore because Tobin moved to California.

“Hi,” Alex says slowly, trying to remember the last time she’d seen Lauren. Whenever it was, it was probably before things went downhill. “Yeah, I’m here on vacation.”  
Alex wonders how she’s completely forgotten that Lauren lives in the same town as Sydney, but then remembers that they attended the same college at around the same time. She manages a smile, but she’s still trying to catch her breath from her run so it’s only there for a moment.

Lauren nods, taking the information in. “Oh well that’s good,” she says, and then lets a beat of silence pass between them. It’s an awkward moment, but then Lauren takes another look at Alex before asking, “Hey, you wanna sit and talk for a little?”

At first Alex hesitates at the suggestion, unsure of where she stands with Lauren at this point. Of course they’d been good friends a few years ago, but Tobin and Lauren had known each other longer and were closer than the two of them. At the reminder of Tobin, Alex’s lingering curiosity sparks.

“Sure, let me order something first.”

-

 

_Tobin wakes up because Alex is sobbing. She feels the girl’s body shaking and scoots closer, wondering how Alex slipped out of her grasp. Her arms slowly snake around Alex’s waist until the younger girl’s back is pressed against Tobin’s front. Tobin leans her head down, nuzzling Alex’s neck with her nose lightly._

_“Baby,” she whispers, leaving a kiss. “Alex.”_

_The other girl sniffles twice, trying to catch her breath as she slowly wakes up. She’s tense until she realizes Tobin’s holding her. She’s still trying to control her sobs, squeezing her eyes tighter to get the nightmare out of her head._

_Tobin doesn’t need to ask to know what’s wrong. It’s been happening on and off for months now and every night Tobin’s there to comfort Alex. Tobin never asks anything anymore - she knows Alex has nightmares of Jen dying. And every night Tobin wants to kiss the nightmares away, and at first it works for awhile. Alex used to cry into Tobin’s chest until sleep came, but things were changing._

_“You’re here,” Tobin cooes gently in her ear. “You’re here with me. Jen’s okay, she’s okay.” She presses a kiss into Alex’s shoulder, still trying to comfort her._

_It doesn’t matter that they fought before they fell asleep - at least to Tobin it doesn’t. It was a nasty argument, but Tobin doesn’t care. Her girlfriend was sobbing and she wanted to end it. All she wants to do is take care of her._

_Alex doesn’t respond to anything Tobin does. The only way Tobin knows she’s helping is by the way Alex’s body is no longer tensed up. The younger girl finally gets her breath under control and her sobs vanish after a while too. She wipes her eyes, taking a shaky breath. Tobin knows what’s coming next, but can’t help feeling rejected when Alex wriggles out of Tobin’s grasp, as far away as she can get without falling off the bed. Tobin watches Alex with a hurt expression until Alex’s breathing evens out. Once again she’s left to her side of the bed with Alex refusing to give in. She notices Alex’s body is tense again, but she knows if she tries to touch her, Alex will flinch._

_So instead she turns to lay flat on her back, knowing she’ll be gone in the morning and Alex will wake up to an empty bed._

_“I love you,” she whispers, but her words aren’t caught._

-

 

Lauren watches as Alex takes a slow sip of her smoothie, eyes averted. They’ve been sitting in silence for a full two minutes and Lauren can tell Alex is either nervous or uncomfortable (or maybe both) by the way she keeps running a hand over her hair until she reaches her ponytail. It’s still sort of odd to Lauren how she’s sitting across from her best friend’s ex-girlfriend who’s dressed in nothing more than shorts and a sports bra, but here she is anyway.

“How are you?” Lauren asks, and she hopes Alex knows better than to think of it as a formality.

Alex understands immediately what she’s asking and lets out a soft sigh, looking up from the table for the first time since she’s sat down. “I’ve been managing. Most days lately are easier than they used to be.” She pauses for a moment, then decides to continue. “Over the years I’ve learned to hold it all together.”

The older woman nods, noticing the way Alex’s eyes haven’t quite fully gained the spark they used to and how her body hasn’t once relaxed completely. She knows Alex is trying, but there are some things that keep her from being the way she used to be. One of those things is Tobin’s actions and another is a subject Lauren’s hesitant to bring up, but does so anyway.

“And Jen? How is she now?”

She shouldn’t be surprised that it came up, but Alex is. She should know better. Lauren’s always been a pseudo-motherly-type figure to Tobin and had become somewhat the same for her. She contemplates just how much she should share before answering. “She’s hanging on. It gets harder by the day, and it’s hard to be out here so far away from her.”

“Then why are you here?” Lauren asks curiously.

Alex manages a weak smile and blinks away tears before they can even fully form. “Jen made me.” Lauren laughs softly and she manages to get Alex to do the same before she adds, “FaceTime really helps, though.”

A smile’s shared before a moment of silence follows as the two women sip their smoothies. There’s a heavy topic hovering above them, but neither is willing to acknowledge it. Lauren knows she can’t be the one to bring it up; it wouldn’t be right. She just wishes things had played out differently, or better yet, Tobin did things differently so it wouldn’t have come to this. Two women who used to be friends were now strangers seeing each other after a few years.

Alex wants to ask, but at the same time she doesn’t. It’s on the tip of her tongue yet she’s holding back the courage to spit it out. Her curiosity is bubbling inside of her, and she’s not sure if she should hold it in much longer.

She looks down at her cup, then back at Lauren, biting her lip. “Why’s she here out of all places?”

Her voice is barely over a whisper, but she can tell Lauren heard her by the way the other woman tenses up for a moment at the sound of the question.

It takes Lauren a long moment to respond, but she finally does. “She has work to do.”

“Work she couldn’t do in New York?” Alex asks a bit harshly as her eyebrow quirks up. There’s a slight frown playing her lips because she doesn’t understand what work Tobin could have possibly needed to do that required her to move across the country.

Lauren nods, keeping all the reasons behind Tobin’s actions inside of her instead of telling Alex any of the truth. It wasn’t her place to tell.

When Lauren doesn’t give any other answer besides her simple nod, Alex presses for more, getting more frustrated as the time goes on without her questions behind completely answered. “Why here, Chen?” she asks, bringing an old nickname back. It feels strange to let it roll off of her tongue so simply. “Why California?”

“Alex-” Lauren sighs, but the younger one cuts her off.

“Why UCLA? I saw her the other day.”

At this, Lauren looks at Alex in surprise. She hadn’t heard Tobin mention anything about seeing Alex or even knowing she was around. “You did?”

She tries to think back over the past few days, but there was no sign of Tobin’s mood more than usual. Of course, she’d seemed stressed, confused and not in the mood to talk yesterday, but Lauren simply assumed it was because of work.

Alex chews her bottom lip lightly, a bit eager to get somewhere in this conversation now. “I was with Sydney at UCLA,” she explains, her voice not as shaky or quiet as it’s been since she walked into the place. “She was in the medical wing wearing a lab coat. Tobin’s not a doctor, Lauren. It’s been two years, but even I know that. Why is she here in California in the medical wing of your old college?” Her jaw’s firm now, her anger from long ago beginning to make an appearance. Tobin left her for this? What was “this” anyway?

Lauren can’t help but feel for the woman in front of her. She truly had no idea what was going on, and she had no clue what Tobin was trying to do for her. She couldn’t blame Alex for being mad, but it was difficult to calm her down without giving away everything. Before she can even utter a response - which would have been a lousy response, anyway - her phone chimes, signaling an incoming call. She sighs, checking the caller ID.

 _Speak of the devil_ , Lauren thinks holding in a sigh. “Sorry Al, hold on.” She hits the green button and presses the phone to her ear. “Thanks for ditching me this morning.”

“Cheney, you know I love you!” Tobin laughs. “But I’m sorry and we can hang out soon, I promise.”

There’s something different in Tobin’s voice. Lauren picks it up almost immediately. Her face takes on a confused expression and she avoids Alex’s gaze as she speaks. “What’s up though?”

“You’re never going to believe this!” Tobin exclaims. “We’re really really close!”

“Really close!” Christen echoes in the background, sounding just as excited as Tobin.

Lauren smiles at their excitement, but she’s reminded of how something similar happened before. “Are you sure this time?”

Tobin’s excitement and squealing stops, and there’s a determination in her voice that makes Lauren’s doubt subside. “Yes Lauren, I’m sure. We’ve looked at almost everything.” She’s about to say something else, but Christen’s voice is calling her faintly. “I have to, but I’ll be home around four and I’ll tell you everything then!”

“Okay,” Lauren says, catching herself before she slips Tobin’s name into the conversation. She looks at Alex as a reminder that she’s there. “Stay safe. Love you.”  
“Love you too,” Tobin replies before hanging up.

Lauren hangs up and looks at Alex, who’s looking at Lauren intently, making the older woman feel guilty for something she had no reason to feel guilty about. She slowly puts her phone down as she takes a long sip of her drink, trying to avoid any chance of the truth blurting out of her mouth.

“That was her, wasn’t it?” Alex asks, but she already knows the answer.

Lauren makes a noise, a words caught in her throat before she stutters out, “I-Uh...yeah.”

“Well,” Alex says, standing up. “I’m glad she’s been having fun with whatever she’s doing.” WIth that, she spins on her heels and quickly walks out of the shop.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it's worth all the risk, keep going.

Tobin lets out a long, content sigh as she drops her pen and leans back in her chair. She lifts her arms to stretch them, and for the first time in a long time she has her megawatt grin on at work. Though there’s still a heavy weight on her shoulders, it’s easier to handle now that she knows that they’re closer than they’ve ever been to finding a cure.

Christen walks back into their shared office and drops a key onto Tobin’s desk. “And now we’re done for the day.” She too seems to have found a bounce in her step since they day’s progressed, more so than usual. Her white teeth glisten as the light hits them and Tobin knows today’s been a good day.

“Almost there,” Tobin says, slowly standing from her chair. “I’m so glad you called me this morning, Press.”

“I almost didn’t,” Christen admits, laughing a little. “You always tell me how big Lauren is on spending time together on the weekends.”

Tobin laughs, grabbing her belongings as Christen waits for her like they usually do every day. “She’ll forgive me for this one after we figure it all out.”

“And if she doesn’t?” Christen asks jokingly.

“Oh please, she will,” Tobin slightly smirks, slinging her backpack around her shoulder before meeting Christen on the other side of her desk.

Christen rolls her eyes, but a smile’s playing her lips as they leave their small office. “Right, that Tobin Heath charm.”

Tobin locks the door and they begin to walk away. She looks at Christen and grins. “It’s got everyone wrapped around my finger.”

“Sure,” Christen snorts.

“You can’t resist the charm forever, Pressy!” Tobin exclaims, wiggling her eyebrows.

The taller woman laughs, it’s an breezy laugh that Tobin likes to hear because somehow it calms her. She’s just glad she can hear it more often after it’s all said and done. “Of course I can.”

If Tobin’s being honest, she’s almost positive she couldn’t have made it through the past few years if it weren’t for Christen. She would’ve lost her mind a few months into this project if it wasn’t  for the girl who manages to keep her calm. Christen’s learned when Tobin’s working too hard and needs a break or when they both need to take a second before beginning to argue during work. She’s so much more than a simple partner these days, and Tobin owes a lot of her work to Christen for sticking through it for almost two years.

They both reach the parking lot and eventually to their cars, parked next to each other just like they’ve been doing for over a year now. For a moment Tobin’s brought back to when she met Christen and smiles at how far they’ve come.

“I’ll see you Monday,” Christen says, tossing her things into the passenger’s seat of her car. “We’ve got work to finish.”

Tobin beams in response. “Why yes we do.”

 

-

 

_Tobin steps into the room quietly, trying not to make too much noise. Really the occasional beep on the monitors is enough to scare her for now. She lets out a soft sigh as her eyes fall on the patient on the bed, feeling like it was just yesterday that this same patient was running around with her on the beach with her little sister._

_“Hey Tobin,” Jen says, recognizing her after a few blinks. “Where’s Alex?”_

_Tobin offers a small smile as she approaches Jen, shoving her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants. “Hi Jen. It’s just me right now. Alex went to go buy a few things.”_

_“So what brings you here?” Jen asks, smiling._

_“Just felt like seeing my favorite Morgan,” Tobin jokes, shrugging._

_Jen quirks an eyebrow, but her smile widens. “After Alexandra, right?”_

_Tobin nods, mock seriousness on her face. “Always.”_

_The oldest Morgan’s lips break out into a grin. “You’re so good to her Tobin.”_

_Tobin blinks in surprise. This wasn’t what she was expecting when she came. Actually, she wasn’t really expecting anything at all. She just decided to drop by because she hadn’t had some time to talk to Jen without family - especially Alex - crowding her to make sure she’s treated properly._

_“I love her,” Tobin replies after a few moments of silence. It was the only response that seemed right in Tobin’s mind. “I really really love her.”_

_“I can tell,” Jen nods. “She feels the same way about you.” Tobin nods, but she’s not so sure anymore. Not since Jen became the center of the Morgan Family’s attention. Jen notices the change in Tobin’s expression so she adds, “You don’t think so?”_

_The younger one lets out a long, uneasy sigh. She sinks into the chair next to Jen’s bed and swears she can smell Alex’s scent on it from the amount of time she’s spent sitting there. She inhales a little more of it, almost wishing the girl was with her now._

_“I do...I mean I used to,” Tobin explains, taking her hands out of her pockets and now wringing them together. “but she’s a little distant these days. She’s worried about you. It’s all she can think about.”_

_Now it’s Jen’s turn to sigh, shifting a little in her bed so she can face Tobin better. “She shouldn’t be. I’m a grown woman and I can take care of myself.”_

_“Try telling her that,” Tobin slightly frowns._

_“She still loves you Tobin,” Jen states. “She does. I can see it in the way she hasn’t completely lost her mind. I see it when you hold her when she’s crying. Alex is crazy about you and you haven’t lost her. She’s always yours.”_   
_Tobin smiles, feeling a little more reassured in her relationship with Alex now. She looks around the room for a moment before saying with a small smirk. “Who knew you’d be stuck in a white-walled room all day?”_

_Jen laughs as the tension and serious tone of the room begins to fade. “Find me a way out of here, Tobin.”_

_“I will,” Tobin answers, but she doesn’t realize at the time just how quickly it becomes a promise. “You won’t be in here forever. I’ll get you out.”_

_And Tobin doesn’t realize it means she’ll fly across the country to do just that._

-

 

“LAUREN I’M HOME!” Tobin yells, the excitement from earlier still evident.

She drops her things on the floor by the entrance of the house and skips into the kitchen, quickly looking for food she can eat. Finally she spots some bread along with peanut butter and jelly and immediately grabs a knife deciding she doesn’t care if her jelly and peanut butter mix in the jar.

“Well hello to you too,” Lauren greets her after spotting her friend in the kitchen laying out two pieces of bread.

“Hi,” Tobin turns and smiles. “Dude, we’re literally so close to figuring it all out.”

“I’m glad,” Lauren admits, watching at Tobin turns back around to finish making her sandwich as a snack.

Tobin begins to talk about what her and Christen’s latest findings happened to be and how it all related to the fact that they were almost done. Lauren let her talk for a minute or two, immediately zoning out only a few seconds into Tobin’s voice filling the air. She doesn’t really understand the medical terms of bacteria or whatever that Tobin’s using, but she figures that she should at least be the good friend and pretend she does. It’s evident that Tobin’s really close to the end, Lauren can tell in the way that her shoulders are tensed, and also in the way Tobin can’t seem to shut up. She waits another moment before opening her mouth to cut her friend off.

“How’s Alex doing these days anyway, Tobin?”

Tobin drops the jar of peanut butter, letting it roll on the kitchen counter with the knife still hovering over the bread. They haven’t talked about her in the past couple of months and Tobin’s completely thrown off guard, especially with Kelley’s news that Alex was in LA. She wonders if Lauren knows, but isn’t sure how to say it.

“I um...I hear she’s good,” she answers, slowly spreading her peanut butter across the slice of breath.

“Oh really?” Lauren asks, quirking an eyebrow. Sometimes she feels bad for putting Tobin on the spot, but not this time. “Did you know she’s here for the summer?”

Tobin gulps, putting the knife down and smushing her two pieces of bread together. “Um, not until Kelley told me.”

“Ah,” Lauren nods, leaning on the chair of the kitchen island. “Well, I ran into her today. We talked for awhile.”

Tobin drops her sandwich on the counter and spins around. “You what?”

Lauren sits on the kitchen island, looking at Tobin expectantly. The younger one quickly forgets her sandwich and how hungry she is, slowly walking over to Lauren and propping herself up next to her. It’s almost like she’s in a daze.

“How is she?” Tobin asks, and it’s almost like she’s too scared to know. “How’s Jen?”

“From what I understand, Jen’s getting worse, but she’s still fighting.”

“Always a fighter,” Tobin whispers, a slight smile on her face.

She wishes she’d been able to visit Jen since she left, but things would’ve gotten too messy and complicated. Not to mention Jen probably hated her by now. Though they technically never actually broke up, Tobin left Alex and she’s pretty sure Jen wasn’t a fan of that.

“And Alex?”

Lauren shakes her head, looking at Tobin with her warm brown eyes. “She’s not the same, Tobs. Sure, she’s better than the first few months or maybe even the first year without you, but something’s missing in her. I don’t know if it’s her sister or if it’s you, but if I was to guess, I’d say she needs you back.”

Tobin hangs her head low, guilt riding her system once again. The letter gave a vague explanation of what she was doing, but to what extent did Alex understand? She wasn’t even sure if Alex had attempted to reach her after finding out - she’d immediately shut off her phone and quickly switched numbers, only saving everyone in her phonebook except the Morgans so she wouldn’t be tempted.

“I miss her,” she mumbles, staring at the counter as she zones out.

“She saw you,” Lauren adds quietly, watching Tobin carefully. She’s not sure what’s going on in the younger one’s mind, but she has a rough idea.

“I know,” Tobin admits, looking at Lauren as she bites her lip. “Kelley told me. She knew because Sydney yelled Kel’s ear off as soon as they left.”

Lauren lets out a long sigh, not able to find the words to say. She wants to be the good friend, the one with the most solid advice, but she can’t give it if she’s supposed to stay neutral. She knows Tobin loves Alex and Alex still loves Tobin, but she’s not sure if Alex is willing to be with Tobin again.

Tobin slowly closes her eyes, fingers rubbing her temple as her breathing deepens a little. “Why’d I do this, Lauren?”

Lauren looks at her friend curiously. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought I was helping; I really did. I thought I’d find the cure and come home to Alex and everything would be okay,” Tobin goes on, eyes still closed. “But it’s not that simple - it never is. I hurt Alex by leaving. I hurt her sister. I hurt you and Kelley. I affected everyone’s relationship with me or Alex because I made the selfish decision to separate myself.”

“You didn’t hurt me-” Lauren tries, but Tobin cuts her off.

“You and Alex were almost like sisters, Chen,” Tobin reminds her, opening her eyes slowly. There’s the threat of tears beginning to show, but she does everything to push them back. “You and Alex together were like long lost sisters. And because I left to come here, you lost your relationship with her.”

There’s silence. It’s silence because in a way Tobin’s right - and Lauren knows it - but also, she’s wrong. It wasn’t Tobin’s choice alone.

“And then there’s Kelley,” Tobin continues when the silence is too much to bear. “She was so angry with me. She was so mad at how I left Alex. She refused to talk to me for weeks, and when she finally did she still held a grudge for the longest time. I hurt her because I hurt Alex.”

Lauren lets the silence ring as Tobin’s words float in the air in between the two of them. Tobin takes a shaky breath, staring at the counter top once again, unsure if there’s more to let off her chest. If there is, she knows there’s only one person who truly deserves to hear it.

“Tobin, is what you’re doing right now worth it?”

Tobin looks up to meet Lauren’s eyes and there’s a genuine quality to them that they’d always had when it came to serious conversations. “Huh?”

“You’re so close to finding the cure for Jen,” Lauren says, breaking it down for her friend. “Is it worth it? If you find this cure, will it be worth it?”

“If Jen comes out of the hospital healthy, then yes,” Tobin immediately responds.

“Then stop dwelling on how you got here,” Lauren commands, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You’re finding the cure, and once it’s all over maybe Alex will understand. She’ll understand why you did what you did and if she loves you, everything will work out like it should.”

Tobin nods, letting out another deep sigh. “We’re almost there.”

“Almost,” Lauren nods, kissing the top of Tobin’s head.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Results are seen and changes may or may not be welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to update, but I was super busy last week and tbh I had a bit of trouble writing this part because I wasn't finding inspiration. I hope you guys still enjoy. Let me know your thoughts please.

Alex hasn’t had any good sleep for the past few days. Most of her days are busy with Sydney or old friends she’d almost lost touch with after moving to New York. It’s at night that she can’t seem to keep it together. In the guest room of Sydney’s home, she stares at the dark ceiling, letting all her thoughts run free.

She lets herself do this after she finishes talking to Jen or her parents every night. The vacation isn’t terrible for her, but she needs to be home. She can’t let Jen be alone for too long. Not when Jen’s dying and Alex has no idea how long her oldest sister will still be around.

But the thoughts that keep her up at night are thoughts about someone she believed she had moved on from. It’s as if Alex had locked them in a box and shoved it into the deepest part of her mind and now all the thoughts are flying free because the box has been unlocked. The key was walking around the medical wing of UCLA.

There’s the hole in her chest she’s chosen to ignore up until this point. It’s ever present at night when she’s alone and she needs someone to hold her. Emotions are at all time high at night when she thinks about how Tobin left her so easily and without an explanation. She just woke up one morning and her girlfriend was gone. No goodbye.

 _I hate her_ , Alex would say on multiple occasions.

But she never really stopped loving her.

 

-

 

Tobin paces around the lab as Christen walks in, eyeing the older girl curiously. She stands still for awhile, just watching Tobin walk around the other side of their office, not even noticing that her partner had walked back in. Christen smiles a little, amused by Tobin’s jitteriness.

Tobin, on the other hand, has never been so nervous in her life. Her eyes are focused on the ground and she’s chewing her bottom lip. Millions of thoughts are flying through her mind and she’s trying not to let the negative ones be heard. She glances at her watch, trying to figure out what’s taking Christen so long.

 _How long does it take for Christen to go check on the results?_ she thinks to herself, letting out a long breath.

“Boo!” Christen shouts.

The older woman jumps at the sudden loud voice, yelping a little bit. She looks at Christen, who’s now laughing at Tobin’s reaction. “Jesus Christ, you scared me!”

“I’ve been standing here for a good few minutes Tobs,” Christen explains, still laughing just a little. “You didn’t even notice.”

“Maybe a ‘hey Tobin I’m back’ would’ve been nice!” Tobin pouts, crossing her arms.

“Oh...well in that case, hey Tobin I’m back!” Christen greets with a wide grin on her face. She knows she’s pushing Tobin’s buttons, but she’s enjoying it too much to care.

Tobin sends her daggers, her pout not budging. “Did you check on the results?”

The younger one nods and leans against the wall with a sigh. “They said they’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Tobin groans stomping on the floor. “They couldn’t have just let you in? Why make you come back and wait?”

She’s beginning to pace again. Her breathing’s suddenly increased and Christen can tell Tobin’s beginning to have a panic attack. The older woman can’t stop moving, but before Christen even even utter a sound, Tobin speaks again.

“Oh my god, Press! What if we did something wrong? What if they’re holding us off because the cure didn’t work and we have to start over?!” she cries, hunched over at the thought of it all going down the drain. All their hard work reduced to nothing. “Everything would be-”

“Tobin!” Christen almost yells, silencing the girl.

Tobin stares at her, eyes wide. She’s scared and it’s obvious. Her partner crosses the room, lessening the space between them. She grabs Tobin on either side and stares directly at her. Tobin’s breath hitches at the sudden contact and now her heart’s pounding even faster than before.

“You’ve got to calm down,” Christen says softly, her eyes trained on Tobin’s face, trying to read her expressions. “Take a few deep breaths for a moment, will you?” she requests, still holding the smaller girl by the sides.

Tobin does as she’s told, inhaling deeply and exhaling very loudly. She’s taking so much air in that Christen’s signature scent is filling her nostrils. Somehow it soothes her, being able to inhale a scent so familiar. She leans a little into Christen’s touch, feeling more relaxed by the second.

 _Thank God for Christen_ , she thinks to herself.

Christen notices her partner’s breathing even and speaks up once again. “Listen to me, Tobin. We’ve worked too hard to let it all be thrown away. You know we’ve looked at the formula and the bacteria too many times for us to be wrong.”

“But...last time…” Tobin trails off, tucking her bottom lip under her teeth. She’s in a vulernable position not many people have seen her in and she knows there’s no one else she’d rather have witness it than the girl standing right in front of her.

“Forget the last time we thought we were close,” Christen instructs. “We’re so much farther than where we were at that time. I know you want to find this cure so badly, and we have,” she promises. “Just be patient.”

Tobin nods, letting out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

They stand there for another moment, just looking at each other. They know it’s so much at stake at this very second. It could be the savior or it could tear the both of them down. They could be renowned or they could be back to nobodies. It all depends on the cure they sent to the lab earlier in the morning.

“Heath. Press.”

At the sound of the deep voice, Christen immediately drops her hands back to her sides and turns to face the doorway. Tobin’s posture straightens and her heart rate goes through the roof as she sees the head researcher standing there. She feels Christen give her arm a gentle squeeze.

“Doctor Stevens,” Tobin greets, trying to keep her voice steady. “Are the results ready?”

Dr. Stevens nods and at the same moment Tobin and Christen hold their breaths. The man walks into their small office, looking at the ground momentarily before looking back up at them with a blank expression. “You two are incredible. Especially you, Tobin. To come in two years ago and dive into research is something huge. I wasn’t sure you could do it at first, but now I have no doubts.”  
Tobin offers a weak smile, but it can’t get very big. Her lip’s bitten in anticipation and she can feel her knees lock. “Thank you Doctor, but we’d really like to know the results.”

“Ah yes, of course,” Doctor Stevens nods, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “It seems to me…”

Tobin unintentionally leans against Christen, knowing the girl will be able to support her no matter what happens. Christen stays still, allowing Tobin to use her as a lifeline.

“...that you two have cured it,” he finishes, a smile on his lips.

“Oh my god!” Christen exclaims as Tobin lets out a yelp.

Tobin jumps up, her hands on Christen’s shoulders. “We actually did it!”

“I know!” Christen laughs, pulling her partner in for a hug.

There are tears on Tobin’s face, but they’re tears of joy instead of pain and frustration. Two years of her life were spent on trying to find a solution and there it was, in the UCLA medical wing. She and Christen had done it.

Jen was going to be okay.

 

-

 

“She’s there?!” Jen exclaims in disbelief.

Alex nods, picking at the nail polish still on her index finger. “Yeah...I saw her like last week.”

It’s an empty house save for Alex on FaceTime with Jen. Sydney went out to buy groceries while Alex insisted on staying home and deciding to catch up with her sister. She needed someone besides Sydney - who wanted to have a not-so-nice chat with Tobin - to talk to about her ex.

“Did you talk to her?” Jen asks, leaning towards the iPad perched on top of the makeshift table on her hospital bed. “Because I certainly have a few things to say to her.”

The younger Morgan sighs, shaking her head. “No Jen, I didn’t talk to her. I only saw her for a moment.”

“Alex, you should’ve stormed right up to her! What the fuck is she doing in California, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Alex shrugs. “I’m not even sure what the hell is going on, Jen. She was in UCLA’s medical wing wearing a lab coat. Tobin isn’t a doctor.”

“Hey you never know,” Jen says quirking an eyebrow. “If I were you, I would’ve slapped her right across the face.”

“But you’re not me,” Alex reminds her with a condescending look. “I couldn’t do that to her.”

“Why? She left you without a word! She left you when she knew you needed her!” Jen cries, then remembers she’s in her hospital room and sinks back into her bed a little. “She broke you.”

“I know,” the youngest sister replies. “I know, I remember. I was there.”

Alex’s eyes cloud over as memories of Tobin leaving her flash before her eyes. The feelings seep into her body and she lets out a shiver. She wishes she could erase those memories forever.

“Sorry,” she hears Jen mumble, but Alex isn’t really with her. She’s still trying to forget the sparked memories.

“I still miss her.”

It’s so quiet that it’s barely above a whisper, but Jen still catches it. In the stillness of Sydney’s house and the emptiness of Jen’s hospital room, Alex’s confession is still heard. She’d never said it out loud. Not since the fresh feelings of being walked out on hit her the morning she woke up. Two years later and Alex thought she didn’t need Tobin. She was so wrong.

“I know,” Jen admits softly. “but she’s the one who ran away.”

“It doesn’t make me miss her any less,” Alex states, biting her lip. “Why’d she do it?”

“I don’t know, Al. I can’t answer that one for you,” Jen frowns. “but what I can tell you is that there has to be a reason that you’ve found her again.”

“Maybe…” Alex muses, wishing she could turn back time to stop Tobin from leaving.

Maybe it was just too much for her to handle. Maybe Alex was too much for Tobin to handle. Whatever it was, it seemed to Alex it was her fault. All she wanted to do was go back and make Tobin stay. She’d change anything to do it.

 

-

 

Alex stares at a moment at her new manicure that just finished minutes ago. She smiles, glad she won’t be picking at her nail polish for at least the next week. Getting out of the house and doing things seems to help clear her mind from Jen and anything related to Tobin. Just as she closes the her car door, her phone begins to ring.

“Yes Sydney?” she answers, handling her phone very delicately so she won’t mess up her nails.

“Hey, did you finish getting your nails done?”

“I just got out, why?”

“Can you pick up the carry out I ordered from the Italian restaurant across the street?” Sydney asks sweetly.

“Syd! I thought you were cooking tonight,” Alex says, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah I was, but I kind of realized we need a few more ingredients for dinner if I cook,” she explains.

Alex rolls her eyes, knowing her friend can sense it. “You got lazy.”

“Maybe a little.” She can see the seemingly innocent smirk on her best friend’s face.

“Ugh, you’re making me fat,” Alex pouts. “but fine, I’ll get it right now.”

“Thanks Al, you’re the best!” Sydney cooes before hanging up.

Alex laughs in response before hanging up. She drives over like she told Sydney she would and walks into the restaurant, trying to make her visit fast. The young man at the front asks her to wait for a moment and Alex gives him a small nod, leaning against the wall. She looks around the restaurant at the people just settling down for dinner. She likes the atmosphere of the place: filled, but not to the point where all she can hear is conversations overlapping each other. Soft background music is still heard and there’s only a child or two in sight. She lets her eyes wander towards the end of the restaurant and her heart stops.

_Tobin._

Alex recognizes her immediately first by her features and then with the laugh that follows a moment after the girl’s been spotted. She cranes her neck to get a better look at who Tobin’s with, and she realizes it’s the same girl who was with Tobin at the lab. She watches for a moment, noticing how easily they interact with one another. Then the other girl’s hand inches forward, resting on top of Tobin’s. Alex’s heart is in her throat at this point. When the girl says a few words, Tobin smiles, squeezing the girl’s hand. Alex feels like her heart just might find its way out.

“Ma’am? Your order’s ready.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight or flight; Tobin's not sure which one she picked.

The fresh smell of roasted coffee beans welcomes Tobin as she steps into the coffee shop. She feels good because it’s midday on a weekday and she’s not at UCLA. In fact, she’s not even in a lab coat. The brunette feels lighter and more relaxed than she has in what feels like forever. There were still a few things to finish up in regards to the cure they’d found, but other than that it was good to know. Tobin wasn’t sure how she would even begin to explain it to Alex, but she knew she’d get the cure to Jen if Alex didn’t want to hear her out.

“Hi there, what can I get for you?” the barista asks as Tobin leans her waist against the counter.

Tobin’s eyes scan the menu for a moment. She never was a coffee person. Her usual beverage when it came to Starbucks was any type of tea and refresher that appealed to her, but there was a time where coffee used to be an actual thing for her. In light of recent events, Tobin decides it’s time for coffee to fill her system again.

“Can I have a vanilla latte with two pumps and extra whipped cream?”

The order comes out so naturally like she’s done it countless of times before. And she has, but not since New York. Not since a blue-eyed stranger thought Tobin was cute and needed any excuse to talk to her and when coffee was an apparent no, she wanted to change Tobin’s mind.

Tobin pays for her drink and offers the barista a smile. It isn’t until after the barista walks away that Tobin leaves a few dollars in the tips jar. She’s been nicer and happier since Dr. Stevens delivered the news to her and Christen, and she has to say she really likes it this way. For some reason, she feels as if someone’s staring at her. Tobin doesn’t recall recognizing anyone when she walked in, but the feeling of eyes on her is starting to become unbearable. Just as she turns to wait to the side for her order, she finds the source of it all.

Blue eyes. It’s the first thing she notices because they’re piercing right into her skin and almost burning through her soul. Tobin’s jaw almost drops because it’s Alex that’s been staring at her for a few minutes now. It’s Alex that’s only a few feet away from her. It’s Alex, really Alex, that has no apparent emotion, but too much emotion in her eyes at the same time.

“Oh.”

 _You’re an idiot_ , Tobin mentally chastises herself. You know more words than that. She racks her brain for a better greeting.

“Alex…”

The other woman just looks at Tobin, not saying a word. Alex isn’t even sure she’s able to speak properly with Tobin standing right there. She wants to scream at her and slap her but yet she wants to hug her and ask what the hell happened two years ago when she walked out - as if there was an explanation to make it all better.

Tobin’s order is long forgotten as the two stare at each other for a long moment. Alex’s stare becomes unbearable soon enough and Tobin tries a different approaching - this time with an actual sentence.

“We need to talk.”

No response.

“Alex...please. I have so much to say to you,” Tobin explains, taking a step towards her.

At the gesture, Alex finds her voice as her body stiffens. “Let’s go take a walk.”  
By the tone of the sentence, Tobin knows she’s in trouble.

 

-

 

_“Will you finally tell me why you started this?” Christen asks as she takes a sip of her wine._

_The two of them are at a restaurant for a nice dinner out, courtesy of Christen herself. She insisted that they needed to celebrate after finding the cure. Tobin couldn’t deny it, they very well deserved one. She insisted on at least splitting the check but her partner had refused._

_“What do you mean?” Tobin replies, poking at her food with a fork. She knows exactly what Christen means, but refuses to answer._

_She never told Christen - or anyone working with her for that matter - why she was so invested in finding the cure. All she’d say is that she needed to help people with the illness. It was easier that way. It was easier to say that than to explain that the love of her life’s sister was slowly dying across the country and she got scared and felt helpless so she ran away to California._

_Christen’s light eyes focus on Tobin with a slight frown on her lips. “You know what I mean, Tobin. You didn’t randomly dive into this research just because you felt like it.”_

_“Neither did you,” Tobin points out, trying to stall as long as she can._

_“You know why I did,” Christen retorts, quirking an eyebrow. “That’s the difference. You know why I did, I don’t know why you did. And yours is obviously more personal. It’s been almost two years, we’ve found the cure...just tell me already.”_

_The older one sighs, running a hand through her hair. She didn’t mean to hide it for this long, but she did and now was the time to tell her. If there was anyone out here that she could trust besides Lauren, it had to be Christen._

_“Two years ago, I was in New York with the girl I loved...the girl I love,” Tobin begins, immediately correcting herself._

_“Oh no, did she…?” Christen trails off, a look of concern forming on her face._

_Tobin shakes her head. “No, she never got sick. She’s fine.” She pauses for a moment, an image of Jen in the hospital on one of the particularly bad nights flashing through her mind. “It was her oldest sister. She started to get sick and soon enough she was living in the hospital. Alex...she was so worried about her sister. She’d spend countless nights there.”_

_“That’s terrible,” Christen offers, not really knowing what else to say._

_“Yeah,” she nods, letting out a long sigh. “It was causing problems between us...me and Alex, that is. She wasn’t the same person I knew. She was never at home, and even if she was she wasn’t truly with me. I’d try to take her out, but all she could think about was how Jen was doing...I tried to be understanding, I really did, but it was difficult. I love her too much to end things, so I stayed.”_

_“Then why are you here?”_

_Tobin bites her lip, taking a sip of her wine before continuing. “I started to feel like I wasn’t doing anything to make the situation better. Jen obviously wasn’t improving her health, and nothing I could do made Alex feel better. So...I decided to get away for awhile and try to find my own way to help.”_

_“And what did your girlfriend think of this idea?”_

_“Uh…” Tobin pauses, rubbing the back of her neck. It was a habit she’d had since she was younger and was never really able to shake off. “She didn’t know about it.”_

_Christen gasps as her jaw drops. “You left without telling her anything?”_

_“Not really,” she winces, guilt hitting her again. “I left her a letter. Well actually, I gave our friend a letter to give to her.”_

_“What did she say after she read it?”_

_“I don’t know,” Tobin shrugs, sighing. “We haven’t talked in two years. But I heard she’s in town.”_

_Christen shakes her head slowly. “I’m impressed, Tobs. You really love her.”_

_Tobin offers a weak smile, offering yet another shrug. “I love her and Jen was practically my sister too. I just want her to be okay.”_

_A reassuring smile crosses Christen’s lips and she reaches over, placing her hand on top of Tobin’s. “She’s going to be okay, Tobin. I mean, you had me to help you, right?”_

_The shorter one laughs at the comment, but feels a bit of weight loosen from her shoulders anyway. “Of course I did, Press.” She gives her hand a light squeeze. “Thank you for everything.”_

_Christen laughs. “Alex is a lucky girl, you know. If she didn’t have you I’d definitely snatch you up.”_

_Tobin’s cheeks flush and she bites her lip. “Whatever.” Her expression saddens as she adds, “If she still wants to be with me.”_

_“She will. She’ll understand.”_

 

-

 

Tobin never picked up her order. They’ve been walking together for almost three minutes in complete silence. Tobin’s counted in her head. There are so many things she wants to say to Alex - mostly “I’m sorry” - but nothing comes out of her mouth. She wants to explain everything that’s happened in two years. She wants to ask about Jen. She wants to tell her about the cure. But everything’s caught in her throat and she’s left staring at the beauty she ran away from.

Alex, on the other hand, is too angry to even speak. She’s a little shell shocked as well, but she knows anything that comes out of her mouth could be something she’d regret. Tobin’s right there next to her and she’s not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but she might as well hold on to it while she can.

“H-how are you?” Tobin finally chokes out, licking her lips to get rid of the dryness that prevented the words from coming out of her mouth.

Alex stops walking and gives Tobin a cold glare with her icy blues eyes. It’s so cold that Tobin can feel a shiver go down her spine.

 _Wrong choice of words_ , Tobin decides too late.

“Two fucking years and all you have to say is ‘how are you’?”

There’s venom in Alex’s voice and Tobin’s slightly taken about even though she really shouldn’t be. Alex is glaring at her and Tobin’s never felt such negative intensity coming from her.

“Alex, I-”

“No Tobin,” Alex cuts her off, her voice rising. “you had your chance to talk and you didn’t.”

Tobin’s mouth closes after Alex finishes her sentence. She gulps because she understands everything could possibly fall apart right here and right now for good.

“But me on the other hand? Do you know what it’s like to wake up one day and find the other side of the bed empty? To walk around the apartment and find all of your girlfriend’s shit gone?! I called you so many times. I left you so many messages.”

“I know,” Tobin says softly, looking down at the ground.

Alex doesn’t even hear Tobin and continues. “I waited for you to come home, Tobin! I waited for you to come home until two hours later Kelley’s knocking on the door. The next thing I know is she’s holding me as I cried my fucking heart out. I still thought you were coming home! I thought you’d be back!”

Tobin isn’t able to face her because by the way Alex is screaming, her rasp is becoming stronger and it’s a tell tale sign that the blue-eyed girl is on the verge of tears. She never understood how much she hurt Alex until this moment and now she wishes she could take it all back.

“What’s the difference?” she asks, risking a look at Alex. “It’s not like you were home much anyway.”

Alex gapes, resisting the temptation to slap Tobin across the face. “My sister was in the damn hospital dying! She could be gone and I’d hate myself every day for not checking on her. How would you feel if it was Perry?”

It’s a hard blow, but there’s still enough in the older girl to fight back. “She still had time, Alex!” Tobin argues. “Her condition wasn’t to the point where she’d die any given day!”

“Well it could have been!” the younger woman screams back. “And now it is!”

They’re near an alley and there aren’t many people, but their argument causes a few people across the street to turn their heads at them.

“And I needed you, Tobin!” she adds, pushing Tobin’s shoulder a little. “You were the only thing keeping me sane and to have you run away was the worst possible thing you could do!”

“I’m sorry!” Tobin screams at her, finally letting her frustration out as well. “I’m sorry I left you without giving you a proper goodbye!”

“A ‘proper goodbye’?” Alex scoffs. “You didn’t give me a goodbye period! The last conversation we had was us screaming at each other!” She rolls her eyes. “Looks like nothing’s changed,” she adds under her breath. “The next morning you’re gone for good!”

Tobin gives her a confused look. “What are you talking about, Alex? You had the letter!”

Alex looked at Tobin as if she was crazy. “What letter? What are you talking about?”

“The one Kelley gave you,” Tobin supplies, as if it’s supposed to remind Alex.

There’s a blank stare on Alex’s face and Tobin knows something went wrong. “What?”

 _Shit._ Tobin thinks. _She never read it._

She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind. “Whatever, forget it. Alex, listen to me. Me being out here’s paid off.”

“Yeah you became a fucking doctor in two years,” Alex spits out. “I saw you at UCLA. What the fuck are you doing out here?”

“Lex,” Tobin says, the nickname coming out so naturally as she grabs Alex’s wrists gently. “There’s a reason for everything, I swear. I didn’t run away because I didn’t love you. I didn’t run away because I couldn’t be with you anymore. I still love you. I still want to be with you. I never stopped loving you.”  
“Then why did you leave me?” Alex’s voice is so fragile and raspy that it makes Tobin pause for a moment.

Alex looks fragile, like she did many times when Tobin found her at home crying or in the hospital back in New York. But this time she’s fragile because Tobin broke her by leaving her in the cold.

“I…”

Tobin can’t bring it in her to start explaining. The broken expression on Alex’s face is enough to keep any words from coming out.

“Forget it,” Alex shakes her head, removing herself out of Tobin’s grasp. “You can’t even tell me why you’re here. Maybe it’s supposed to be this way, Tobin. Maybe we’re not supposed to find each other and make everything okay.”

“Alex…” Tobin tries, but Alex just gives her a long look before walking away.

She doesn’t chase her down.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things could take a turn for the worse. (As if it wasn't already bad enough.)

It’s a miracle that Alex gets back to Sydney’s place in one piece. Her eyes are red and her throat itches while her whole body shakes as she sits in her car parked in Sydney’s driveway. Really, she’s trying to recall the way Tobin’s voice sounds because she hasn’t heard it so long. The voice used to calm her, but now it just reminded her of being left alone one morning in New York.

It takes another ten minutes, but Alex is finally able to collect herself enough to stop shaking before getting out of the car. She doesn’t see Sydney as she enters the house, but she can hear the TV in the living room so she tries to sneak over to her room, but isn’t very successful.

“Hey Al, you were gone for awhile.” Sydney’s eyes are still glued to the TV while Alex falters in her step at the sound of her friend’s voice.

It takes her a moment to find her voice and she lets out a soft “Sorry” in hope that nothing’s given away. Yet of course it is because Sydney turns to face her and her friend’s expression immediately changes.

“What happened?”

Alex clenches her jaw, trying not to get her emotions come tumbling out again. She’d just composed herself enough to walk into the house, but her resolve was breaking. Her fist clenches as she tries to take a deep breath.

Sydney sees the change in her friend’s demeanor and immediately gets up, beginning to make her way over to Alex. The older girl turns and runs into her room, collapsing onto the bed once she’s close enough and lets out a heavy sob she’d been holding in. Moments later the bed shifts and there’s a hand rubbing her back gently and Alex knows she can’t keep this to herself anymore.

“T-tobin.”

 

\--

 

Lauren walks into her house, smiling at something Jrue’s said. The gives him a light nudge before calling out, “Tobin, we’re home!”

There’s no initial response, so Lauren wonders if Tobin’s sleeping in her room. She starts to make her way to the hallway, but stops when she finds Tobin sitting on the couch, staring ahead.

“Tobin?”

Tobin’s quiet for another moment, but doesn’t move as she answers, “I think I lost her.”

Her voice is soft and scratched, a sign often shown as sadness or frustration when it came to Tobin. Maybe this time it was both. Lauren exchanges a quick glance at Jrue, and he nods shortly before leaning over to kiss her forehead. He walks down the hall and into his and Lauren’s room to leave the two friends to themselves.

The curly-haired woman finds her place next to Tobin on the couch, noticing the vacant look in her friend’s eyes and the overall demeanor of the younger one. “Lost who?” she asks, but she’s pretty sure she knows the answer.

“Alex,” Tobin replies.

Her voice breaks as she says it and there’s a sadness that finally reaches her eyes. Lauren immediately wraps an arm around Tobin’s shoulder and the younger girl leans into her, letting herself become nothing but dead weight. It’s evident that she’s seemed to have given up the fight for Alex in the way her body’s reacting.

“How did you lose her?” Lauren asks gently, trying to coax information out of her friend.

Tobin takes a breath, trying to collect herself long enough to explain how it all went down. She hasn’t spoken since Alex walked away from her, and she’s not sure if she even wants to recount the story.

“We talked” is all that comes out of her mouth. It’s not a lot, but at the same time it’s so much that Tobin hasn’t fully wrapped her mind around it.

Lauren raises her eyebrows, looking down at Tobin. “When?”

Tobin’s looking at the hem of her shorts, mumbling her reply. “A few hours ago. She hates me.”

“How do you-”

“She walked away from me Chen,” Tobin cuts her off, looking up at her with her honey maple eyes looking so lost and empty. The only visible thing in them was a sadness that Lauren hadn’t truly seen before.

Tobin was usually calm and relaxed; always a go with the flow type of person. In two years, Lauren had witnessed her change. She saw her become worried and stressed and serious. Tobin’s goofy demeanor was still there, but it seemed to be fading with every day that passed. It wasn’t until recently that she’d seen the spark of the old Tobin again. A spark brought on by Alex coming to town and the breakthrough with the cure.

“I thought the letter…” Lauren trails off, wondering where it went so wrong.

Tobin shakes her head, sitting up with a puzzled expression. “She had no clue what I was talking about, Lauren.”

“What if Kelley didn’t give it to her?”

“Kelley wouldn’t do that,” Tobin reasons, but her voice is hesitant. She comes up with another explanation. “What if she didn’t even open it and threw it away?”

“Well...call Kelley,” the older one suggests.

Tobin nods, running a hand through her hair as she tries to piece everything that’s happened all together. “I will.”

Lauren kisses the top of Tobin’s forehead, where her hairline rests, and gives her a quick rub on the back. “I’m going to make your favorite tonight. How does that sound?”

The younger one manages a weak smile, appreciating the her friend’s actions. “Sounds great.”

“Good. It’ll be ready in an hour,” Lauren promises, standing. “And Tobin?”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe you haven’t lost her just yet. There’s still time. And the cure.”

Tobin nods, but Lauren isn’t done.

“And there’s the address to Syd’s house if you need it,” she adds, pointing to her phone.

 

-

 

Her steps are small and slow while her heart races at a hundred miles an hour. She looks down at her phone again for the millionth time before looking at the numbers on the house to make sure she hasn’t made a mistake. It was the right street. It was the right house number.

It’s been almost twenty-four hours since she came home feeling empty. After her favorite dinner and a long, drawn out conversation with Kelley (that did involve some yelling on both ends - Tobin more than Kelley), she’d finally mustered up the courage to do what she had to do.

A tube’s in her pocket and she’s careful to make sure it stays snug while she moves. If anything were to fall out, she’d be done for. She carries with her the tube and her courage to the door, but her hands shake as she lifts a finger to ring the doorbell. She takes a step back, anxiously waiting for someone to come to the door.

Moments later she hears the door being unlocked and Tobin holds her breath, knowing she would see one of two possible faces. She’s hoping her luck was better than she thinks.

“What the hell?”

It isn’t. Especially not by the look on her face.

“Sydney-” she tries, but of course she’s cut off.

“How the fuck did you find my house?” she starts off.

“Well Lauren-”

“And why the hell do you think it’s okay for you to show up here?!” Sydney yells, slightly echoing into the street.

She’s furious, Tobin can tell. She’s only met Sydney twice before this encounter, but she knew right off the bat that if she had ever hurt Alex, Sydney would be coming after her if they were in any close distance. Now here they were, and Tobin was actually scared Sydney could go ballistic.

“Can we please talk inside?” Tobin asks in a hushed and hurried voice. “I don’t want to attract attention.”

Sydney stares her down for a minute and mutters, “fine, come in” before tugging Tobin into the house and shutting the door behind them.

“Look-”

“Shut up!” Sydney yells and Tobin obeys. “I can’t believe you!”

The younger girl has a fierce quality about her that’s always been there and it’s beginning to become more prominent. Tobin’s aware it only comes out when she’s protecting someone and this time she’s protecting. Funny that she’s the one who Sydney’s protecting Alex from.

“You leave Alex without warning, make her thing you drop off the face of the earth and then you show up two years later in LA playing doctor?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Tobin glares at her, knowing it’s time she speaks up. “I was trying to help Jen!”

“By leaving the one person that needed you the most?!” Sydney retorts. “Yeah, you’re such a good girlfriend, Tobin.”

The older girl takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself. “Sydney, I need you to listen to me right now,” she says slowly, reaching into her pocket. “I found a way to help Jen.”

Sydney looks doubtful, but she decides to play along. “How?”

“This is the cure,” Tobin explains. “Well, it kind of is. We’re working on making it to where we can just give it in doses of medicine, but this is the raw cure.”

The younger one scoffs. “Yeah, right.”

“Sydney, I’m serious!” Tobin groans, rolling her eyes. “This is why I left.”

“Well Alex isn’t even here anyway,” Sydney rolls her eyes.

Tobin raises an eyebrow. “When will she be back?”

“She’s not,” Sydney states simply. “She probably just landed in New York.”

“What? Why?”

The expression on Sydney’s face sobers as she replies, “Her sister’s in critical condition.”

Tobin’s eyes widen. “Shit.”

The first thing on her mind is that she needs to call Christen. And that things at the lab need to be sped up.

 

-

 

Everything’s happening like a dream. Or a nightmare. Either way, it doesn’t seem real.

One moment she’s fighting with herself on whether she wants to remember or forget Tobin’s stupid smile and stupid laugh and stupid face, then next her phone’s ringing and her mother’s on the phone in tears, telling her that Jen’s in critical condition and only has literally days left to leave - a week max.

As soon as she got off of the phone with her mother, she frantically ran into Sydney’s room, explaining what her mother said to her and booked a flight to New York, sending a text to Kelley so she’d have transportation. There was no time to worry about time. No time to worry about whatever mess they had between them. Alex needed to be with Jen. She needed to be with her before she was gone for good.

She goes through baggage claim in a daze, eyes searching everywhere and anywhere. Her actions her frantic and she doesn’t bother to apologize when she bumps into a person or two on her way out with her bags. Suddenly, she’s searching left and right for the tiny, freckled woman who was supposed to be picking her up and taking her to the hospital immediately.

“Alex! Alex!”

Alex hears the voice and sees Kelley waving her hands above her head to get the other woman’s attention. She makes a beeline for the Brooklyn native and drops her bags as they engage in a tight embrace. Alex is blinking back tears, but it’s getting harder so she squeezes her eyes shut. A moment later they’re pulling away and Kelley’s looking at her with worried eyes.

“Let’s get you to the hospital.”

“Okay,” Alex meekly replies. She watches as Kelley takes her bags and follows her to the car.

 

The ride’s silent for the most part, both understanding that now is not the time for small talk. Vacation wasn’t a topic to talk about, especially with the topic of Tobin lying in between them. But Alex watches Kelley as the older woman drives and notices there’s a trace of guilt in her expression. Guilt means she’s hiding something and it’s only a matter of time before Alex finds out.

“What is it?”

Kelley gives her a quick glance before focusing on the road again. “What?”

“What are you feeling guilty about?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing!” Kelley says quickly, shaking her head. “Nothing.”

The blue-eyed woman frowns, not believing the word coming out of Kelley’s mouth. “Kelley.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Is this about my sister?” Alex asks. “Do you feel bad for me because-”

“No!” Kelley raises her voice, then her shoulders drop a little. “Sorry,” she says softly. “I didn’t mean to yell.”

“It’s okay,” Alex replies, looking at her curiously.

“It’s not your sister. Just…” She shakes her head. “Let’s drop it, okay?”

The younger woman stares at the freckled one a little longer before nodding in agreement. “Okay.”

The rest of the ride continues in silence and finally Kelley pulls up to the front of the hospital.

“I’ll go ahead and drop your things off at your parents house. That’s where you’re going to stay, right?”

Alex nods, unbuckling her seatbelt. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Kelley watches as Alex collects her purse and phone before opening the door. As she does so, Kelley acts on her guilt. “Alex, wait!”

Alex turns, one foot on the pavement and the other still in the car. “Yeah?”

“I…” Kelley sighs, digging in her glove compartment and pulling out an envelope. “This is for you. Well, it was for you. Awhile ago.”

“Huh?” Alex looks at her with a confused expression and then looks down at the handwriting, recognizing the messy scribbles.

 

_You had the letter._

Tobin’s voice echoes in Alex’s mind from their argument the previous day. She looks up from the letter at Kelley, shaking her head. “Kel. This isn’t the time for this. Jen’s-”

“I know,” Kelley says, guilt riding her face and her voice. “I know. I just...You need to read it.”

“Didn’t I just-”

“I’m not saying now,” the older one explains. “I’m just saying...you need to read it. When you can.”

Alex nods, thumbing over the scribbles that spelled out her name. “Thank you,” she finally answers after a moment of silence between them.

She gets out of the car after tucking the envelope away in her purse and quickly making her way into the hospital.

The letter could wait. Jen couldn’t.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a letter to be read and sister who just might leave.

_Dear Alex,_

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that you woke up alone and found all my things missing. I’m sorry I don’t have to guts to tell you with my own voice that I’m leaving, and I’m sorry I didn’t talk this over with you first. But I’ve made up my mind and if I tried to talk to you about this I know I’d end up staying because you’re you and I don’t want to leave you._

_But babe, you have to understand that I can’t sit here and let it all happen. I have to do something about this. I can’t sit here and watch Jen slowly die. I don’t know how long she has, but I know the doctors guaranteed at least another year. So in that year, I have to do something to help her. I haven’t decided how that’s going to happen, but it will happen because I’m not letting Jen slip away from you._

_Please don’t ask me where I’m going. If I’m being honest, I’m not even totally sure yet. Don’t ask Kelley or any of our other friends either. They won’t know the answer. Please don’t call. I’m deactivating my phone. I need time away from all of this so I can focus and figure out what to do to help. I need time away from you because when I’m with you all I’m concerned about is you. I need to think and do what’s best. If I can help Jen, don’t you think that’d be better than me just being here in New York watching as a helpless person?_

_I love you, Alexandra. Never forget that. I love you to no end and I will do everything and anything I can to help. But I need to do this on my own. Nothing can hold me back. Please know I love you and I’ll always be thinking about you. I’m going to think about every single moment of the day. I’m positive I’m thinking about you now as you’re reading this. I’ll be back one day with an answer and an apology for leaving you out of the blue._

_Keep Jen safe. I’ll see the two of you when I figure out a way to help and make a difference in Jen’s condition._

_Always yours,_

_Tobin_

 

\--

The letter burns a hole in Alex’s purse. She’s constantly aware that it’s there waiting for her - that _Tobin_ from two years ago was there, waiting in her purse. But Jen has to come first now. She always has.

 

“How is she?” she asks her parents as soon as she catches sight of them in the waiting room.

Her parents share a worried glance, but it’s her father who answers, “We’re not sure.”

Alex looks at them in disbelief. “What do you mean?! How do you not know?!”

She feels her mother’s hand on the small of her back, trying to be comforting. She feels her father put a hand on her shoulder. Neither help her calm down.

“They won’t let us see her right now. They said she’ll wake up in a few minutes and we can see her then,” her father answers.

Before Alex can utter another word, her mother cuts in. “Jen isn’t as responsive and talkative as she was when you last spoke to her,” she explains. “It may take her a few moments to reply and it takes a lot out of her to string long sentences together. She can’t sit up in bed anymore.”

The tears shining in her mother’s eyes makes Alex want to scream. This shouldn’t be happening. Not to them. Not to Jen. Alex’s breathing shallows and in the next few moments she’s hyperventilating and trying to blink back the stupid tears that are welling up in her eyes. She lets out a frustrated groan and soon enough her mother’s arms around around her and Alex’s face is pressed against her mother’s cadigan. She feels like she’s dead weight; as if her mother’s the only thing keeping her upright. She feels her father’s firm hand on her back and it only makes Alex cry into her mother’s sweater more.

_Look at me. Looks at us. This can’t be happening._

“Jennifer’s still here,” Alex’s father reminds her in a low, firm voice.

The youngest Morgan sends a quick thanks to God for the rock of her family. She squeezes her eyes shut to stop the tears and pulls away from her mother’s embrace, sniffling. “Where’s Jeri?”

“She’s coming,” her mother assures her. “She’ll be here soon.”

Alex nods, wiping the remainder of her tears and lets her father usher her into a seat. Her heart rates beginning to slow back to its normal pace, but she was never a fan of hospitals anyway. The amount of white and pale color made her stomach churn. The place screamed tragedy and death and nothing could convince Alex otherwise.

Her eyes glance down to her purse, knowing there’s something waiting for her in there, but she knows it’s not the time. She can’t handle anymore than she’s already dealing with.

Suddenly there’s a doctor asking for Jennifer Morgan’s family and Alex, as well as her parents, are quick to stand and claim the title.

“She’s conscious, but please remember she cannot handle a lot social interaction at the moment.”

After a few more minutes of Alex’s parents discussing Jen’s condition with the doctor, Alex is finally allowed to see her sister for the first time since leaving for vacation. She rushes into the room to find Jen laying her hospital bed with more wires attached to her body than Alex remembers. The sight sends a shiver down her spine because she also noticed Jen is very pale and looks smaller and more fragile than before.

“Al,” Jen croaks out with a small smile on her face.

Alex musters a weak smile. “I’m back Jen,” she says, cautiously walking over to her. This isn’t the Jen she knows. This isn’t her older sister. She sits down in the seat already pulled up next to the bed and sighs. “I’m sorry I left.”

Jen shakes her head once, very slowly. “Don’t be. You deserved to go.”

Alex can see her veins in some places that she shouldn’t and has to hold in her shock. Jen’s eyes look dull and Alex realizes her sister’s really losing the fight.

“No, maybe if I hadn’t left…” she trails off, biting her lip.

“Don’t.” Jen says.

Alex isn’t sure if she says one word because that’s all she has the energy to say or if she believes it’s enough to get her point across.

“Okay,” she answers, her voice small.

The younger Morgan is trying to maintain her cool. She can feel her throat tightening, but she knows she can’t break in front of Jen. She had to stay strong. She had to believe Jen would be okay. To lose her oldest sister…

No.

“Anything new from Cali?”

Alex shook the negative thoughts from her head and braved a smile, engaging in a story of her and Sydney at the beach.

 

\--

 

“Pick up Press,” Tobin mumbles, tapping her foot impatiently two days after the bombshell of Alex returning to a critical condition Jen was dropped.

She’s in the lab, a fully developed liquid cure in a tube on her desk. It’s eight in the evening and she knows she needs to get home soon, but she had to wait for the liquid solution.

“Sup Tobs,” Press greets coolly.

Tobin jumps up at the sound of her voice, her back straightening as she remembers what they have to do. “I have the liquid solution.”

“You do?” Christen asks, confused. “They made that really fast. Where are you?”

“Yeah I know. I kind of need it. I’m in the lab,” the older one says quickly. “Look Press, Jen’s in critical condition.” Christen gasps, but Tobin continues. “Alex flew back a few days ago. I need to get to New York like now.”

There’s a pause on the other end and then Christen speaks up. “I’ll book us flights for tomorrow morning.”

A smile crosses Tobin’s face. “You’re the best.”

Christen laughs. “I know. I’ll text you as soon as I book our flights. Go home.”

Tobin hangs up the phone and picks up the liquid solution, looking at it for a long moment. She stands, shrugging off her lab coat and places the tube in her bag.

“Hang in there Jen,” she whispers before leaving the lab.

 

\--

 

Three wo days. It takes Alex three days to finally take the letter out of her purse and sit down and read it. She decides to read it after she gets home from another long day at the hospital. She insisted on staying with Jen overnight, but her parents made her go home to rest. Alex knows she won’t rest, but she’ll listen to her parents and sisters’ wishes because this wasn’t the time to argue.

With trembling hands she pulls the envelope out of her purse and sits on the edge of her bed, staring at her name written in the scribbles she knew very well. She thumbs over the faded ink and takes a shaky breath. She needs to read it. She has to if she wants any idea of what Tobin did two years ago.

She tears the envelope open and takes the letter out, unfolding it to reveal sentences. Her heart’s hammering so loud that it’s all she can hear, but she tries to block it out as she reads the letter that should’ve been read two years ago.

 

There’s a few tears running down Alex’s face as she tries to take deep breaths. The letter’s still in one hand as her other hand reaches over to grab her phone. She dials a number, and sniffles a little, trying to regain her composure.

So many questions are still unanswered, but for now she’ll take what she can. It’s the small steps she has to worry about right now.

On the third ring, someone picks up. “Alex.”

“Hey,” she croaks, putting the letter to her side.

“You read it.”

“Um, yeah…” Alex confirms, clearing her throat a little to get the extra rasp out. “Why’d you hide it from me?”

Kelley lets out a long sigh on the other end. “At the time, I thought it would just hurt you even more. You weren’t the only one mad at Tobin, Al. I was pissed at her. I was mad she left without even really thinking about it - or at least not telling you out of all people. She just showed up to my doorstep that morning and asked me to give it to you.”

“How would it hurt me more?” Alex asked, a slight frown on her lips.

“I don’t know,” Kelley admits, groaning. “I just thought...maybe it would hurt less to know Tobin was still thinking about you. And you wouldn’t try to look for her because you’d think...you’d…”

“I’d think that she didn’t care about me,” Alex finished for her.

“Yeah,” the older one mumbles, scratching the back of her head. “Are you mad at me?”

“Kind of,” Alex confesses.

“I don’t blame you.”

Alex makes a humming noise and lets the silence sit until she finally says, “I’m going to bed, Kel. I just...need time to process.”

“I understand,” Kelley replies with a small voice.

“Good night.”

“Night.”

 

\--

 

Alex is rushing to the hospital at four in the morning after getting a wake up call from her parents that the doctors needed to see them immediately. All she knows is that it’s about Jen’s health, but she isn’t sure if she wants to know anymore. Adrenaline is running through her body and she’s trying not to think of any of the worst case scenarios. Of course in the back of her mind she’s thinking that maybe they cured Jen.

 

“I’m here, what’s going on?” Alex asks.

Her parents are already speaking to a doctor when they turn to face her. She joins them, looking expectantly from her parents to the doctor. Her father looks weary while her mother and sister have been crying. This can’t be good.

The doctor looks at the three of them and suggests, “Let’s go to my office to talk about this, shall we?”

Alex isn’t sure if the words are supposed to sound good, but she doesn’t want to wait any longer. “What? Why can’t you tell us now?”

He hesitates, looking at Alex’s father in approval. He nods, allowing the doctor to speak. “Part of Jen’s system’s failed less than an hour ago.”

Alex’s stomach drops. “What? Why aren’t you in there helping her?!”

The doctor gives her a worried expression and looks at her parents. “Please, I’d really appreciate if we could go into my office to discuss this.”

“Al,” Jeri nudges her with a tired expression. “Just let him take us to his office.”

Alex’s bottom lip trembles as her heart rate quickens. She looks from her sister to her mother to her father and finally to the doctor. She wants to run into Jen’s room and see what’s going on, but she listens to everyone else around her.

“Okay.”

The doctor nods, looking a little relieved that Alex listened, and leads them to his offices a couple of hallways down. They each take a seat and Alex grips onto Jeri’s hand for support. The doctor takes his seat behind his desk, placing the files down on the desk as he lets out a long sigh.

“As far as we were concerned, there was nothing that we could do about this,” he starts, but gets cut off by Jeri.

“So you’re saying she’s dying at this very moment?!” she shrieks. “My sister’s dying right now?! How long does she have?!”

“Why aren’t you doing anything!?” Alex adds on. “You’re not even trying to save her!”

“Jeri, Alexandra,” their father says in a stern voice.

Both girls look look at their father and look at the doctor with an apologetic expression, waiting for him to continue.

“So yes, to answer both of you, there was technically nothing we could do for her at this point.”

Pam Morgan looks at the doctor in confusion. “Was?”

The doctor nods, crossing his arms on the table. “We’ve had doctors on the other side of the country working on a cure for the past couple of years. It’s been in a developing process, but recently they found a cure that should be sustainable for...the rest of Jennifer’s life.”

“So you’re saying,” Alex’s father says slowly. “That if you give Jen this cure, she should be healthy?”

“Indeed,” the doctor nods. “She would be the first person to go through this, but they’ve run tests on other subjects and have reported that it does work.”

“That’s amazing!” Pam’s mother exclaims.

The doctor’s lips twitch into a smile. “The doctors who helped create the cure actually flew in yesterday. They’re actually implementing the cure into Jen right now.”

Alex lets out a long sigh of relief, squeezing Jen’s hand tightly. “Oh, thank God.”

The phone on the desk rings and the doctor answers. “Hello?...Perfect, go ahead and send them down to my office...thank you.” He hangs up and looks at the Morgan family in front of him. “The liquid form of the cure has been implemented. Jen’s resting now. It may take a few hours to kick in, but she’ll begin her healing process as soon as it does. The doctors who created it are on their way to the office to introduce themselves.”

There was a slight buzz throughout the Morgan family. Happy tears were shed, exclamations were made, and then there was a knock at the door.

“Is that them?” Jeri asks.

The doctor nods and calls, “Come in.”

The door slightly opens and the two walk in slowly. The Morgan family’s eyes lock on one.

“Oh my god,” Alex gasps.

“Tobin?” Jeri gapes.

Tobin looks at the family nervously. “Um...hi.”

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years gone, and Tobin's back in New York.

To see Jen practically dead in front of her was something Tobin isn’t sure she could have stomached without Christen next to her snapping her back into focus.

Jennifer Morgan was laying in her bed, color drained. She was so much thinner than Tobin remembered her. More veins were visible along her pale skin. It didn’t even look like she was breathing. Tobin never thought that this could actually happen to the woman. She’d been so full of life and so playful and caring. This wasn’t Jen. This wasn’t Alex’s sister.

“Tobin!” Christen snaps at her. “We have to get this done. She’s going to be okay.”

Tobin takes a shaky breath, eyes never leaving Jen’s almost lifeless body. “Y-yeah…”

Her partner notices how frozen Tobin is. She takes the shorter girl by the shoulder, spinning her so they face each other. “Look at me,” she says slowly to Tobin. “She’s going to be okay. We came this far. You and I have spent almost two years on this. We’ve figured it out, Tobin. Thanks to you, she’s going to live. You just have to put it in her.”

The older one nods slowly after a moment of letting Christen’s words sink in. Everything feels so surreal that she’s not sure she’s really in New York in this hospital room. But she straightens her posture as Christen’s hands release and she turns back to her materials, looking for the right instrument to use.

She had to save her.

She could save her.

She will.

 

\--

 

Christen and Tobin are slowly walking to the doctor’s office. There was a weight lifted off of Tobin’s shoulders as soon as she saw Jen’s monitor slowly pick up again, but a new one was placed on her when she had orders from the doctor to talk to the family. Talking to the family meant talking to Alex. Talking to Alex after fighting with her before she left California.

It isn’t even _just_ Alex she had to face. It’s her mom, dad and older sister. She isn’t sure how they all felt about her, but she’s leaning towards hate.

Her pace slows even more as the office comes into sight, letting Christen go ahead of her. She keeps her eyes trained on the ground and her breathing even. She needs to calm down before her partner notices. But of course it’s too late because Christen’s stopped in her tracks and looking at Tobin curiously.

“If you go any slower we’ll get there tomorrow,” the younger one teases with a soft smile.

Tobin offers a weak, hesitant smile and laugh. “Yeah,” she says quietly.

Christen walks over to her, knowing that it’s the nerves that’s working on Tobin. Almost two years of working together and becoming friends proved to be something useful for the both of them.

“They don’t hate you,” she offers quietly, looking into the honey maple eyes that were trying to avoid her gaze.

Tobin’s eyes cast down. “You don’t know that. I left their youngest child without a word. They knew how much Alex loved me.”

“Tobin,” Christen says firmly, causing Tobin’s eyes to meet hers. “You just saved their oldest daughter’s life! Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have gone without a word like that, but Jen’s going to be okay because of you. You love Alex and her family so much you literally went to the other side of the country to figure out a way to save Jen.”

Christen’s voice is quiet but it’s strong with conviction Tobin hasn’t quite heard before. She’s never really seen this side of Christen, but she likes it because she knows it’s what she needs right now.

“You’re amazing for that, and you should know that. They might still be a little mad right now, but they’re also grateful. And if Alex can’t find it in her heart to forgive you, then maybe she doesn’t deserve you, Tobin.”  
The older one lets the silence sit as Christen’s words continue to ring through her ears for another moment or two. After a second she takes a breath and nods. “Thanks Press.”

A gentle smile crosses the taller woman’s face. “Anytime. Now are we going to go in there or not?”

“Now or never,” Tobin shrugs, leading the way to the office. She’s found a little bit of confidence in and and she can hear Christen chuckle behind her because she too can see it. “Shut it, Press.”

“Didn’t say anything,” Christen retorts, but even Tobin knows there’s a smile on her face.

They reach the closed office and Tobin shares one glance with her partner before knocking on the door. Christen’s presence next to her is enough to keep her calm for the time being.

But as soon as she hears confirmation to go inside and Christen opening the door, Tobin’s confidence disappears as she meets the faces of the Morgan family.

Alex is the first one to make a sound - Tobin isn’t surprised - and then Jeri follows, gaping as she says her name. Tobin suddenly feels awkward and out of place. She can feel the sweat forming on her forehead and her whole body tensing.

“Um...hi.”

The doctor looks from the Morgan family to Tobin. “You’re familiar with Tobin Heath?”

Alex’s stare is the most obvious and evident and Tobin can feel her skin crawl. She looks to Jeri who’s the first to answer the question.

“Something like that,” she spits out. By her tone, Tobin knows it’s not a smiling, inside-joke type of answer.

It’s Alex’s mother that’s up out of her seat first, rushing over to pull Tobin into a hug. The younger woman’s surprised at the sudden gesture, but manages to find it in her to hug the woman back. She feels comforted, like she did awhile ago when Alex’s mother had become her second mother. It feels familiar and safe and something Tobin didn’t realize she had truly missed.

“Thank you,” Alex’s mother chokes out, still holding Tobin tightly. “Thank you for saving my daughter.”

“It wasn’t just me,” Tobin answers, pulling away from the hug to look at Pam. She glances back at Press, who’s giving her a soft smile. “I honestly wouldn’t have been able to do this without my lab and research partner, Christen Press. She’s been working with me since I picked up the research.”

“Hello,” Christen offers, her smile widening a little.

“Hi,” Pam replies, pulling away from Tobin to shake hands with Christen. “You’re both so incredible for what you’ve done. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You really don’t have to thank us,” Tobin shrugs. “We just wanted to help.”

Alex’s father approaches them slowly and Tobin looks at him with an even gaze. He looks from Tobin to Christen and gives Tobin a subtle nod. Tobin let out a soft sigh of relief. She’s passed the dad test.

“Of course we have to thank you!” Pam exclaimed, looking at Tobin like she was crazy. “You saved Jen!”

“We didn’t save her, it was serum that-”

Christen nudges her gently with a soft chuckle. “Shut up and say thank you. You know you saved her.”

Tobin flushes, looking down at the ground. “Thank you.”

She feels a pair of eyes almost burning her skin and Tobin doesn’t need to look up to know it’s Alex’s gaze fixed on her. She was afraid to look up and find daggers, so instead she looked at Pam and offered a small smile. She could see behind her that Jeri was looking at Alex, as if asking if she had any clue that Tobin was behind this, but Alex wasn’t even looking at her. She was looking at Tobin and the older girl wasn’t sure if she should try to say something or just hide.

“Girls,” Alex’s father said, turning to face them. “Do you have anything to say to them?”

Jeri looks way from Alex, turning her gaze to her father. She looks like she’s about to speak, but Alex’s words slice through the air first.

“I’ll say something when Jen actually wakes up.” She stands and starts to walk past everyone. “And is alive.”

“Alexandra.” Pam scolds.

“Come back here,” her father warns.

But Alex just sends one more icy glare towards Tobin before leaving the room. Tobin opens her mouth to call after her, but nothing comes out. She feels Christen rubbing her back gently and meets Pam’s eyes.

“She’s still a little-”

“Pissed?” Tobin guesses. She lets out a soft sigh. “I know. We saw each other in California.”

 

\--

 

The tests had been done, the vital signs look good, and there’s a living, breathing, slightly healthier Jennifer Morgan laying in the hospital bed. Christen had just left to tell the Morgans that the cure had indeed worked on their daughter - and hopefully find Alex - leaving Tobin to finish up in the room and talk to Jen.

The monitor made a different beep than it had been doing for the past half hour, and from that alone Tobin knows Jen’s slowly gaining consciousness. She turns, keeping her distance a few yards away from the bed. She watches as Jen’s eyes flutter open and the woman’s senses slowly come back to her.

“Tobin Heath…?” she hears a moment later.

The voice is weak and fragile, but it’s still a huge sigh of relief to Tobin. Her cure worked. Jen’s alive and speaking. She’s going to be okay. She was definitely going to be okay.

“Hi Jen,” she offers quietly. “How are you feeling?”

Jennifer groans quietly, moving a little. “Okay,” she says. “Better than I was feeling before. I thought..” she trails off, her throat tightening.

Tobin knows what she was thinking, but she doesn’t dare say it. Instead she nods and says, “I know.”

“Was I?” Jen asks her, looking at her desperately for an answer.

The younger woman hesitates for a moment, but decides she can’t lie to her. “Yeah, Jen. You were. They all thought…” this time she’s the one that trails off because how could she tell Jen that everyone - even her family - thought within hours as Tobin arrived she’d be dead?

The fragile patient furrows her brows together and asks, “Then why am I still here? And why are you here? And why are you wearing that? You’re not a doctor. Are you?”

Tobin can’t help but chuckle softly at the questions firing away from Jen’s mouth. She turns and fills up a cup of water and slowly walks over to her. “Slow down there, Sherlock. Here, drink a little bit of this.”

Jen obeys and takes a sip, then looks at Tobin expecting her answers.

“Well,” Tobin begins, sitting in the seat next to Jen’s bed. “There’s a cure for the illness you have - well, had - and we implemented it just a few hours ago. It seems like it’s working,” she adds in with a small smile.

“What?” Jen asks, eyebrows risen. “How is that even possible? They said there wasn’t one yet!”

“Years of research already made, a year and a half of more research, tests and a reason not to give up,” Tobin answers. “Oh, and UCLA’s medical lab.”

The oldest Morgan looks at Tobin with a confused expression. She’s putting the pieces together slowly in mind, and Tobin can’t help but notice that she looks just like Alex when she does it.

“Wait, did you...find the cure?” Jen asks slowly, stringing together her thoughts.

“Not by myself,” Tobin admitted. “I had a lot of help.”

Jen lets the words sink in between them and takes another sip of water as she tries to process what’s happening. “Is that why you left, Tobin?” she asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Tobin nods, chewing her bottom lip.

“Wait, does Alex know you’re here? I know you ran into each other in California, but…”

“I saw her,” she confirms, letting out an uneasy chuckle. “She kind of stormed out when she saw me, though. Haven’t seen her since. She doesn’t even know you’re conscious right now, I think.”

Jen rolls her eyes. “Typical Alex,” she mutters, causing Tobin to smile just a little bit.

They both sit in silence again and Tobin picks at the threads of her clothes as Jen downs the rest of her water, neither sure what to say. Tobin was sure Jen was still trying to process everything that was going on. It was a lot to take in, and adding Tobin in the mix wasn’t exactly easy for anyone in this family.

“She still loves you, you know,” Jen says suddenly, causing Tobin’s head to pop up.

“What?”

Jen hands her the now empty cup and Tobin takes it, putting it on the nearest surface. “I should be mad at you,” she says. “I really should. But I can’t because...because you saved my life.”

Tobin sighed. “Jen, I didn’t-”

“But you did,” Jen pushes on. “You promised me one day you’d get me out of here Tobin, do you remember that?” She pauses for a moment, but not long enough for Tobin to answer her. “And now if things are working right, you’re getting me out of here. You kept your promise.”

Tobin’s speechless. How is she supposed to even respond to that? She looks at Jen at a loss for words, unsure of how to add on.

“Thank you, Tobin.”

“You’re welcome,” she manages, but she’s still so dumb struck.

“And don’t worry about Alex,” Jen adds. “She’ll come around.”

 

\--

 

After a long drive, stop for food and walk around a few blocks, Alex returns to the hospital. She absentmindedly makes her way back to the waiting area near Jen’s hospital room, taking a seat at the first chair she spots. The young woman lets out a long sigh, slouching a little in her seat as if to relieve herself for a moment.

When Tobin had walked into the office earlier Alex wasn’t even sure what to feel. She had just stared at the older girl who was donned in doctor’s apparel. It didn’t help that her “lab partner” or whatever was right behind her. So she did the only thing she felt like doing: leaving. None of her family members had come after her. Neither had Tobin. Not that she had expected or still expects anyone to check on her, but still; It bothers her.

“So are you going to keep walking away from me?”

The voice brings Alex back to where she is now, and she looks to her right to see Tobin a few feet away from her, leaning against the wall. “Don’t feel all high and mighty. Not everything’s about you,” Alex spits out, crossing her arms as a scowl crosses her face.

Tobin raises an eyebrow. “You walked out of the room because I walked in,” she states simply.

“So maybe I did,” the younger one shrugs, looking straight ahead instead of to her side where Tobin is.

Tobin sighs, pushing herself off the wall and sliding into the seat next to Alex. “Are you really going to stay mad at me forever?” There’s no response, so she continues. “Alex, I don’t know how to say this any other way I’m-”

“I read your letter,” Alex cuts her off, still looking ahead.

Tobin looks at her in surprise. “Y-you did?”

The blue-eyed woman nods slowly, turning to face Tobin. Seeing her and being this close was beginning to throw in her a frenzy, but she managed to keep it together. “Yeah. Kelley gave it to me when she picked me up from the airport.”

“Oh,” Tobin nods. “Okay…” She isn’t sure what to say next. Those were words she should’ve read long ago. Maybe it would’ve saved them from being where they were now. Maybe not. Now they’d never know.

“You’re making it so hard to be mad at you right now,” Alex says after a beat of silence passes.

Tobin gives her a slightly amused look because even though she’s not sure where they stand, she still finds it in her to give her that expression. “And how exactly am I doing that, Alex?”

“You leave for two years without a word, I find you in UCLA’s medical wing, fight with you, fly back to my dying sister and now you’re here because for two years you’ve been trying to find a cure for my sister and you finally find it?!” she exclaims, looking at Tobin like she’s crazy.

For some reason, Tobin finds herself holding back a laugh. Alex notices and glares at her. “What?”

“Nothing,” Tobin says, clearing her throat. She’s fighting the urge to smile. “You’re...it was a year and a half actually. The first few months I wasn’t sure where to begin.”

“Whatever,” Alex scoffs, crossing her arms. “You’re an asshole.” She gets up and paces for a little bit.

“And you’re stubborn,” Tobin mumbles.

“What did you say?” Alex asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Tobin answers quickly, also standing. She watches Alex pace for awhile and then finally stands in front of her.

“I want to slap you,” Alex says, narrowing her eyes at Tobin.

“Then why don’t you?”

Alex is silent, then her gaze turns to the ground. “I can’t hurt you.”

“Why not?”

She’s silent again, and Tobin’s worried she’s done something more to upset Alex. “Why’d you do this, Tobin?” Alex asks. Her voice is quiet with its characteristic rasp, making Tobin’s knees quiver just a little.

“Because I love you,” Tobin answers quietly, like she’s hesitating to answer. She continues on a moment later. “Because your family is just important to me as my family is to me.”

She can’t believe the words just came out of her mouth. Alex can’t believe it either. They’re left staring at each other. Tobin’s nervous, wondering if she should’ve even let it slip in the first place. Alex is dumbfounded, unsure of what her next move is supposed to be. They’re both frozen, staring at each other. Neither can handle the tension between them, but it’s been so long since they’ve been this close.

It’s Tobin that cracks first and clears her throat. “Your sister...she’s awake.”

Alex gasps. “She is?”

“Y-yeah, you should go check on her,” Tobin suggests. “We can…talk later.”

“O-okay,” Alex nods, biting her lip from a moment to look at Tobin. She hesitates for a second, but leans in and pecks Tobin’s cheek. “Thank you,” she whispers before running off.

Tobin’s left by herself in the hallway, bringing her hand to the area on her cheek where Alex’s lips just were. It’s burning. She slowly walks over to Jen’s door, noticing Alex left it open. She leans against the doorframe, watching Alex and Jen hug. She catches Jen’s eye and sees the smile that follows. She can’t help but smile back.

 

 


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things end up falling into place.

After letting Alex and Jen have their moment together, Tobin decides to wander down to the cafeteria where she last left Christen and the rest of the Morgans. The area where Alex kissed her cheek still feels like it’s on fire, but she’s not sure if it’s from Alex’s lips or the fact she’s possibly blushing as she walks out of the elevator.

She spots the Morgans all listening intently to Christen as she speaks and Tobin can’t help but smile. It was hard not to like Christen. She captivated anyone and everyone with the few words she’d say in greeting. Their trays of food that had once been filled are now empty save for the scraps of trash here and there. Christen seemed very animated in her story, making Tobin curious as to what she was saying.

“It’s incredible what she did,” Christen continues, not realizing Tobin’s slowly approaching them. “It takes a lot not to give up with this type of thing. It’s really frustrating when there’s nothing you can rely on to make sure you’re doing it right. There were times where I just wanted to quit because it seemed impossible.”

“What kept you going?” Pam asks curiously, and Tobin has to stop herself from asking as well.

“Tobin,” Christen replies without hesitation. It surprises the older woman, but she lets Christen continue. “I didn’t know why she started this until after we found the cure, but her sheer determination and drive to finding the cure was enough to keep me going.”

“Aw Press, you shouldn’t have,” Tobin suddenly speaks, surprising the younger one. She laughs and slides into the seat next to her.

Christen rolls her eyes and gives her a light nudge. “You’re an idiot.”

“So how did you get involved?” Jeri asks.

“I needed a partner to get it done, and she’s the only one they had left,” Tobin teases, smirking at Christen.

Christen shakes her head and turns to Jeri. “That’s false. I actually started off at Stanford, but I transferred to UCLA about the same time Tobin started working, and they put me on the project.”

“Actually, I requested the best med student they had,” Tobin corrects. “And Christen was it.”

The Morgans look at Christen, impressed, leaving her to shrug her shoulders and say, “I guess.”

“Oh,” Tobin says, remembering why she came down. “I found Alex.”

“Where is she?” her father asks almost immediately.

“Upstairs,” she answers. “She was in the waiting room until I told her she was cleared to go to talk to her sister.”

Alex’s mother jumps up. “She’s awake?”

Tobin nods, grinning. “She’s stable, and can hold a normal conversation. Just as long as you don’t overwhelm her, she’s capable of being around the whole family. You’re free to see her now.”

“Let’s go!” Pam exclaims, jumping out of her seat to put away her tray. Her husband chuckles quietly, following his wife away, leaving Christen and Tobin with Jeri.

“So…” Jeri says slowly and Tobin’s known her long enough to know there’s a question coming.

“Yes Jeri?” she asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“Where you guys ever like...dating?” she asks, looking directly at Tobin.

Tobin laughs, understanding the protective older sister roll was kicking in now that things were starting to look up. “No, we weren’t. Thanks for asking, Jer.”

“I mean even if I wanted to,” Christen adds, looking from Tobin to Jeri. “Her heart’s set on someone else. It’s always been.”

Tobin blushes madly, nudging Press with her elbow. “Shut up.”

Jeri offers a small smile. “It’s good to have you around again, Tobs. Alex will come around.”

“I think she’s starting to,” Tobin admits, her cheek warming in the same spot once again. “Come on, your sister’s probably waiting to see you.”

 

\--

 

Kelley walks into the waiting area outside of Jen’s room, not really sure what to expect. She’d gotten a cryptic message from Tobin that said “Go to Jen’s hospital.” Naturally, she was assuming the worst. So when she doesn’t see Alex or her family members, she’s stunned.

“Hey.”

The freckled woman jumps, surprised at the voice. She turns to find Tobin with her hands in her pockets slowly making her way over.

“Tobin?” she asks, as if she’s not completely convinced she’s there.

Tobin offers a small smile in her direction, her shoulders slouched a little. “Hi.”

“What are you…” Kelley starts, but trails off, opting to take the few steps before pulling her into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you.”

Tobin lets out a soft sigh of relief when Kelley doesn’t punch her in the face and takes her hands out of her pockets to hug her back. “Missed you too Kel.” The stay like that a moment longer but Tobin finally pulls away.

“Does Alex-”

“Yeah,” the taller one answers with a short nod. “We’re...going to talk later. We’ll figure things out.”

Kelley’s smile is so big you can see all her teeth. She’s beaming and Tobin can’t help but laugh. “Finally. Is her sister okay?”

With a slight smug smile Tobin answers, “Two years in California paid off.”

The two settle into a comfortable silence, and there’s something on the tip of Kelley’s tongue. Tobin knows there’s something there because the freckled woman keeps biting her lip and glancing at her friend out of the corner of her eye.

“Spill it,” Tobin orders, giving her a pointed look.

Knowing there’s no point in stalling, Kelley lets out a long sigh. “I’m sorry...for not giving Alex the letter.”

The older one nods slowly. “I forgive you, but I need to know...why? And why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought it’d only hurt her more,” Kelley mumbles, looking at the ground. “I didn’t...want her to hurt even more. I was so mad at you at the time, Tobin. So I didn’t tell her. I felt like you didn’t deserve to know whether or not she got it and how she reacted.”

Tobin can see Kelley’s lost sleep over the subject. She feels guilty all over again, putting Kelley in a position between her two friends. Protect Tobin’s secrets yet comfort Alex at the same time. She shouldn’t have had to do that. Tobin should’ve done it completely differently. If only she had thought it through now.

“Hey,” Tobin says softly, reaching out and touching Kelley’s shoulder. “It’s over now. Things are going to - hopefully - work out. It’s part of the past. I’m just glad you’re not mad at me now.

Kelley’s expression visibly softens into relief and a small smile finds her lips. She opens her mouth to speak, but footsteps and Tobin’s eyes following them makes her stop and turn around.

“Kelley?”

“Alex hey,” Kelley says. “Tobin texted me. Can I…?”

Alex smiles, nodding. “Go ahead Kel. She’s doing great.”

 

\--

 

Alex and Tobin are sitting next to each other on the rooftop of Alex (and what used to also be Tobin’s) apartment complex. They’re occupying the two chairs set up perfectly in order to see the sunset. They both have cold drinks in their hands and are letting the soft summer breeze run through their hair.  A silence settled between them awhile ago, but neither mind. It’s a comfortable silence that they’ve both dearly missed. Having each other right there was always enough for them.

“So where do we go from here?” Tobin risks, turning her head slowly to face the younger one.

Alex looks at her surprised, almost forgetting that there were things unsolved between them. She twists her lips, thinking for a moment. “Well, we’re both still here. So I think that’s a good thing.”

Tobin lets out a soft chuckle, nodding. “That’s definitely a good thing.” She watches as Alex’s features soften as her laughter fades, her skin glowing in the orange and pink sky. “I know you’re still a little mad at me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re Alex,” Tobin supplies simply. “I don’t know if I know you as well as I used to, but I still know you. And I don’t blame you for being mad at me. I’d be mad at me too. I was being stupid and not thinking everything through.”

“You never really thought anything through,” Alex points out, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “I hate it, but love it.” She looks at Tobin for a long moment. “You had your reasons. You didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“But I _did_ hurt you,” the older one sighs, placing her drink on the floor. “And I hate that.”

Alex nods slowly before speaking again. “I heard you talking to Kelley.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. And what you told her was right. It’s over now. It’s the past. We can’t change it. We can change where we go from here.”

Tobin lets the words sink in. Things she said hours ago to Kelley were coming back at her, applying themselves to her and Alex. There they were, two years later on a rooftop. Just looking at Alex made Tobin go weak all over again like it was the first time. She knew Alex was the only girl she’d ever love like this. She flew out to California to go find a cure for crying out loud. She wasn’t going to let Alex slip away from her.

“I’m willing to keep you and me alive if you are,” she states, lifting her eyebrow slightly, as if challenging Alex.

Alex, recognizing the look, couldn’t help but smile back. Two years without Tobin and she thought she had learned how to live without her. In reality, two years without Tobin made her realize how much she needed Tobin to keep her alive. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Tobin replied quietly, leaning in to capture Alex’s lips.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to get out. But it's here finally (and just in time before I start school). Thank you for everyone who's read this and enjoyed it. Thank you for everyone who's given me suggestions on where to go. And mostly, thank you for being patient. :)


End file.
